M3GAN (2022)

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Hello all you people living out in the internet! It’s me, Slick Dungeon, and I’m here to review the film that goes along with the viral dance video, M3GAN. Please be warned there will be some spoilers here so if you have not seen the movie shut down, take a break, watch the movie and come back here to read the review after.

If you are reading past this sentence, you will be spoiled. What if you took Hal 2000 from 2001, allowed it to learn about death and murder and all the bad stuff humans do, paired it with a human child, and gave it the durability of a terminator robot? Bad things? Do we think bad things would happen if we did that? Yes, the answer is yes. If anyone is working on this as a project right now and happens to read this review, stop it now. Please.

Anyway, this movie is definitely an argument for why we should make sure people working in robotics adopt Asimov’s three laws of robotics post haste.

As far as the plot of the film, here’s how it goes. The movie starts off with an ad for what I can only describe as the worst version of Furby you’ve ever seen. A little girl named Cady is heading towards a snow vacation with her parents. She’s a little distracted by the furby-style toy pet she has in the car and it’s a pretty bad snow storm. The parents die in a car crash.

Cady is orphaned and her aunt Gemma is now responsible for her. Turns out Gemma helped to create that little toy pet and she’s working on a much more ambitious project. Basically a sentient, child sized doll that can learn and adapt. She’s behind on some work projects because of this and has to deliver something amazing. She rushes it a bit and develops M3GAN as the newest hit toy without adding in stuff like parent controls or an emergency off switch of any kind. And also, M3GAN seems to be able to pair with any bluetooth enabled device near her.

Things start off calmly enough. M3GAN is almost like a replacement friend/parent to Cady. While doing some testing in the toy lab M3GAN asks about death after she overhears a conversation. Before anyone can stop her, M3GAN has downloaded everything about the subject on the internet. Her prime directive is to keep Cady safe and this is where, shall we say, stuff hits the fan. A dog bites Cady and soon the dog is no more.

Things escalate when Cady is brought to an outdoor school setting and an older boy bullies her. Let’s just say M3GAN is not a fan. Bad things happen to people who cross Cady and/or M3GAN from this point forward. Even Gemma seems to have lost control.

The most entertaining part of the movie comes in the end when they try to have a global launch for M3GAN as the hot new toy and instead she basically goes on a rampage.

If you’ve seen evil doll or robot movies before, you’ve pretty much seen what happens in this movie. Bodies drop, some people do things they shouldn’t, more bodies drop, and eventually someone has to get a grip on this thing and stop it and we’re given a stinger at the end to imply M3GAN is not entirely gone.

I will say, M3GAN does have a bit more flair than some of the killer doll movies I’ve seen and most of it is entertaining. However, it seems a hundred percent obvious to anyone watching that maybe instead of focusing on the potential sentient death doll for profit, most of this horror could have been prevented if Gemma just did what most normal humans would do and gave her niece a hug instead.

If you like sci-fi or horror movies involving evil little dolls or robots, you’ll probably get a kick out of this one. Ronny Chieng has a pretty hilarious performance here as well and there’s enough humor to keep it interesting. While overall this movie is fairly predictable, it’s still fun. If creepy dolls do freak you out too much though, stay far, far away from this film.

If you’ve seen this what did you think? Let me know in the comments. Should Gemma have just, I dunno, taken Cady to the park instead of going back to work?

Robotically yours,

Slick Dungeon

2 thoughts on “M3GAN – Movie Review

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