Jason X – Movie Review

Jason… in space…

Hello horror fans! It’s Friday the 13th once again and I’m here to review the outright weirdest of all Friday the 13th movies, Jason X. There will be spoilers in this review but at this point either you have seen this thing or you’re never going to. Still, you’ve been warned.

Jason Voorhees has been through a lot. He’s gone from a little boy who died in tragic circumstances, to the murderous maniac separating campers from their limbs in Crystal Lake, to the big apple New York City, and then all the way to hell. He’s been coming back from the grave for more in nine films and Jason X as the title implies is the tenth film.

The movie starts with a couple of people trying to cryogenically freeze Jason’s body. There’s a scientist there who wants to learn from the regenerative properties of Jason’s cells. Already we can tell this is a terrible idea and things just get worse from there. The woman who is in the first scene is able to trap Jason into the cryogenic chamber and starts the mechanism to freeze him. She leans against the wall and Jason just stabs right through the wall and the woman.

The movie flashes forward centuries and Jason is on a spaceship for, well, reasons I guess. Humans apparently don’t learn anything because the ship captain wants to profit from Jason. Also, the woman who was stabbed by Jason survives because of the modern science and the fact that she was also frozen. That way the crew can have one person to warn them Jason is bad news.

Her warning does not work. As you can imagine, Jason goes on a killing spree destroying every person who gets in his way. Also there’s some attempts at showing off cool (for the time) special effects and pseudo-scientific sounding language so we know it’s the future.

I’m not going to spoil the whole thing but I’ll say the deaths in this one don’t feel that imaginative, other than Jason, I can’t remember a single character name, and Jason is never truly done so people make really bad mistakes.

I do have some questions though.

  1. Why is this in space? I mean, I know there is a behind the scenes reason we have this movie. There were some licensing issues getting Freddy v Jason going and audiences still wanted more out of the franchise. They wanted to go for space horror like Alien or Predator but it so does not work.
  2. What machete is strong enough to pierce through six inches of steel? Forget studying Jason’s cells, just grab the machete cause that’s some serious stuff.
  3. This movie is missing someone warning people that the place they are in is cursed. That hardly counts as a Friday the 13th movie in that case.
  4. There are legends about Jason still known on this space ship in the future but only one dude knows what a hockey mask is. The sport was apparently banned in 2024 according to the film. So, did this movie predict the future? We’ll only know in 2024.
  5. Also, at one point there was reference to the “Microsoft wars” which were apparently violent. Again, is this movie actually predicting the future?
  6. Also, why is this in space? Do they not have local campgrounds in the future?
  7. I get what the film makers were going for here but the strength of Friday the 13th films has always been they were made for a small budget in a recognizable location. It’s certainly possible they could have made a good space horror film but it seems like these people never watched a good space horror film.
  8. There’s a part where they fool Jason with a Star Trek like holodeck and they don’t think to use it until really close to the end. I mean, come on, you have super modern technology and you aren’t even using it. What were these people thinking?
  9. There’s an android just like in Alien who looks human but of course this one is a woman, you know, so they can make a gag. And again it’s not until the end of the movie she’s used to try to stop Jason. Why didn’t the android think of this earlier??
  10. Why is this in space? Look, I can take a lot of ridiculous things in horror movies but Jason in space? I just can’t.
  11. Jason was in Hell at the end of the last movie. How did he get out? Seriously, did someone go down to Hell and dig him up? This needs an explanation.
  12. Also, and maybe I have asked this before but, why is this in space??? It doesn’t add anything to the movie.
  13. This is the tenth movie and we were totally expecting to see Freddy in this one because that’s what film 9 promised us. Why wasn’t Freddy here? You’ll just have to wait to see what happens with that until the next Friday the 13th.

Whatever happens in the next movie it can’t really get worse than this one. I’m not sure if this one is my absolute least favorite Jason movie but it’s in the bottom two for sure. I’m going to need a refresh on the Freddy movies before Jason meets Freddy though so you can expect some reviews of those films on here. Until then, don’t let any black cats cross your path!

Spacily yours,

Slick Dungeon

Choose or Die – Movie Review

Choose or Die

Rating: 3 out of 5.

Hey horror fans, it’s me Slick Dungeon! I’m back to review another creepy film. This time I watched Choose or Die and I’m here to give you my hot take on it. Do be warned there will be mild spoilers so if that kind of thing kills your ’80’s nostalgia, go watch the movie first and come back here to read the review.

Alright, for those of you who are still with me, let’s get into it. Choose or Die is about a cursed video game. Think Ring but instead of a video tape it’s an old copy of a text based game you might have found for computers in the 1980’s. While I think Ring is a fair comparison there are some major differences so even if you’ve seen Ring it doesn’t mean you can predict what will happen in Choose or Die.

The premise is pretty simple. A man finds an old copy of a game called CURS>R. It seems to be a game where there was the potential for prize money that is still unclaimed to this day. Beat the game and you might win $100K dollars. Whether or not the company which produced the game will pay up is anyone’s guess.

About three minutes into the movie things get pretty weird and bloody. While playing this game, the man who bought it at a clearance sale is asked to choose between a face and a tongue. See, his wife and son are loudly arguing upstairs. While the choice is a little weird the guy chooses “his tongue” and seconds later, the wife is cutting her own son’s tongue out, seemingly unable to stop herself. It’s a pretty disturbing scene and there are a few scenes like this so if you don’t like a bit of gore in your horror this is probably not for you. However, this is by far not the most bloody movie I’ve ever scene.

Next we see Kayla, who seems unconnected with the events of the game in any way, going about her day. She’s a wannabe computer programer who is played by Iola Evans. Her best friend, Isaac, played by Asa Butterfield is also an aspiring programmer but happens to be in love with Kayla. Kayla’s home life is pretty rough. She lives in a sketchy neighborhood, her mother is essentially checked out of life, and her little brother died at a tragically young age.

Isaac finds a copy of CURS>R and pops it into his computer where he hears the voice of Robert Englund start talking about the game. That’s right, good ol’ Freddy Krueger himself is in this. Well, his voice is anyway.

Kayla takes the copy of the game and starts playing it late that night in a cafe. Very quickly she realizes the game itself is affecting reality, and not in a good way. As you can imagine, the terror increases and Kayla and Isaac have to figure out a way to beat the game without doing major damage to themselves or others.

I don’t want to give too much away so we’ll just say it’s like a lot of movies where there is haunted technology. But, the end does come with a bit of an interesting twist making it worth staying for the end.

Some of the effects are not stellar here and it relies a bit too much on jump scares and silly tricks at times but it’s still a fun watch. While there are better horror movies on Netflix this one isn’t bad and it kills a bit of time if you just need a good fun horror movie. Just don’t look for anything super original here.

Horrifically yours,

Slick Dungeon

More Than Evil – Audiobook Review

More Than Evil
More Than Evil by Bill Richardson

SUMMARY

A supernatural entity that has been imprisoned in the Earth for millennia is released in a small town. It quickly spreads, leaving a trail of blood and carnage in its wake. Harlan is the local sheriff, and he is in a race against time to save the woman he loves, his town, and the rest of the world from this horrifying evil. 

More than Evil is a relentless story with a different kind of monster. It manages to feel both fresh and familiar at the same time. If you like high-octane action and nearly unkillable creatures, then you’ve come to the right place.

This audiobook features a 3D soundscape filled with music and effects. Richardson is a film and TV producer and uses his years of experience to make this audiobook feel like a movie for your ears. Horror is the perfect genre for this kind of rich sound design but rarely gets it. The atmosphere created by this treatment takes an already great story and elevates it to a whole new level. 

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Harlan is a small town sheriff in Appalachia. He and his best friend are on poor terms after Harlan starts a relationship with his best friend Andy’s wife. One day in the mines of the small town, Andy is seething in his anger over the situation. A mining accident occurs and unleashes an inhuman evil upon the town. Now Harlan has to figure out what is happening and how to save his town, his friends, and his family from being torn apart by ravenous undead creatures with an insatiable bloodlust.

There are many elements of this audiobook similar to other horror stories but this doesn’t entirely detract from the story. It should be noted to any squeamish readers/listeners there is a lot of blood and gore here so if that is not your thing stay away. If you have a stomach for some blood and guts though this is a fun listen.

I thought the sound effects would potentially detract from the story but I did find these to be well done and overall added to the story with only a few moments where having the sound effects were a bit of a distraction.

If you like shows like The Walking Dead, movies like Night of the Living Dead or books like World War Z you’ll have a good time listening to this. While it’s not perfect there are plenty of decent scares, twists and inventive turns here to keep you awake at night as you listen.

Book Review – Footsteps in the Dark: Short Horror & Sci-Fi Stories Volume II

Footsteps in the Dark Volume II by Joshua G. J. Insole

Note: this review was first posted on Reedsy Discovery, an awesome website that pairs independent authors and readers. To see the post there, click here.

If you are a book reviewer and want to contribute reviews on Reedsy Discovery, click here.

(Note: this post contains affiliate links. If you purchase something through this post I will get a small commission at no extra cost to you)

SUMMARY

Another collection comes from the three-time Reedsy winner, Joshua G. J. Insole. This second volume of horror and sci-fi explores the dark alleys of the mind once more.

A woman defends house and husband from the home’s eight-legged inhabitants. Two strangers discuss music’s finer points as cannibals try to break into their car. A gender-reveal party goes off the rails as the true nature of the infant comes to light. Thirteen women gather at night to right the wrongs of society. A mother takes shelter in the family treehouse as the world ends around her. And finally—

Wait. Do you hear that?

Footsteps.

Footsteps in the dark.

REVIEW

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Footsteps in the Dark is a collection of short science fiction and horror stories, most of them between three and five pages long. It’s a world of stories inhabited by zombies, vampires, wendigos, creepy crawly spiders and other things that go bump in the night. There are also several stories that might be considered more science fiction than horror but even these have a bit of a horror element to them.

The nice thing about a collection like this is there is a wide variety of stories to read and none of them take a huge time commitment. While not every story comes off perfectly, any reader who is a fan of horror is bound to find at least one story here that will stay with them long after reading. For example, Gender Reveal takes a decidedly unexpected turn and the story Ordinary stayed with me long after I finished that story. Another standout in my mind was Homeowner’s Association which gives a new take to how much people are willing to tolerate in their neighbors.

A word of warning would be that some of the stories can get a bit gory so if you don’t have a stomach for that type of reading you may want to skip a few in this collection. If you have a strong enough stomach though, most of the stories are worth reading at least once and added together they make a fine collection for horror fans.

If you like bite-sized horror and science fiction stories this is a great collection to add to your shelves.

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Fresh – Movie Review

Fresh

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Hello horror fans, it’s me, Slick Dungeon. I’m back to review another movie for you. This time I watched Fresh starring Sebastian Stan and Daisy Edgar-Jones which is now streaming on Hulu.

Before I launch into the review I need to warn you about spoilers. I can’t really review this without giving away a huge moment in the movie so if you are bothered by spoilers please watch first and then come back here to read the review.

Okay, one last warning because I am definitely going to spoil some plot points here.

Still with me? Okay good. Have you watched The Tinder Swindler and decided dating apps are just not your thing because, well, look at what happened there? Fresh shows us why it’s a terrible idea to meet someone in real life so I think we can all just agree dating sucks.

Noa (played by Daisy Edgar-Jones) is tired of dating and sick of dating apps. Along comes Steve (played by Sebastian Stan) who seems kind of awkward but maybe an alright guy. And the best part is Noa meets him in the grocery store where you can find real, actual people without swiping left. She ends up going on a date with him and things seem to be going well.

It’s moving a bit fast but she brings him to her apartment where they hook up. He’s even still there in the morning and seems nice enough. Noa tells her friend Molly about it and the friend is rightly concerned. Steve also doesn’t seem to have any social media presence which might be a little sketchy. Regardless, Noa likes him enough to agree to go on a weekend trip with him to a “surprise location.” Against her better judgement she goes.

She arrives at Steve’s house where they are supposed to stay before going on their trip. They have a little chat and a nice drink and here’s where I am about to drop a huge spoiler so seriously last chance to watch first.

Steve drugs Noa and she wakes up chained to the corner of a room. Steve calmly explains to Noa that he’s going to keep her alive as long as he can but he’s going to sell her meat, slowly, to people who are willing to pay for it.

Turns out Steve is the Blue Apron of cannibals. He traps women, carves them up small pieces at a time, and sends the human meat out in boxes filled with items and trinkets that belong to the women he has trapped.

I’m not going to spoil a lot more of the movie here but let’s just say the rest of the movie is what you might expect. Noa tries to figure out how to get out of the situation and Steve is a psychotic violent person who tries to stop her.

Sebastian Stan puts in a great performance as Steve finding just the right edge of being able to present himself as a nice guy but with menace just under the surface. But Daisy Edgar-Jones puts in a truly masterful turn as Noa who doesn’t just spend her time in hysterics over her situation but is able to be clever throughout (other than impulsively agreeing to go on a trip with a near stranger)

Clearly this movie has a bit of blood and gore in it but I do have a pro tip here. Whatever you do, absolutely do not, watch this movie while you are eating dinner. Trust me.

The ending is believable and interesting and overall the film really works. The only thing that kind of bothered me here was that I don’t think the market for what Steve was doing would be there and as sustainable as the film implies.

But the film does make a pretty strong statement about the state of dating in this era.

If you like movies with a lot of suspense and a bit of gore that tend to be more psychologically disturbing than anything this one is definitely worth a watch.

Horrifically yours,

Slick Dungeon

Book Review – Revival by Stephen King

Revival by Stephen King

SUMMARY

In a small New England town, in the early 60s, a shadow falls over a small boy playing with his toy soldiers. Jamie Morton looks up to see a striking man, the new minister, Charles Jacobs. Soon they forge a deep bond, based on their fascination with simple experiments in electricity.

Decades later, Jamie is living a nomadic lifestyle of bar-band rock and roll. Now an addict, he sees Jacobs again – a showman on stage, creating dazzling ‘portraits in lightning’ – and their meeting has profound consequences for both men. Their bond becomes a pact beyond even the Devil’s devising, and Jamie discovers that revival has many meanings.

REVIEW

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

At six years old, Jamie Morton is playing with his toy soldiers when a shadow looms over him. This is the shadow of the man named Charles Jacobs, a new minister in town. Jamie gets to know this man and the two have a connection until tragedy strikes Charles Jacobs.

Years later, Jamie is destined to be put in the shadow of Charles Jacobs once more. Jamie has succumbed to a heroin addiction after years of touring with various bands. Jacobs is no longer a minister. He’s now a carnival showman who can tap into what he calls “secret electricity” to not only perform neat tricks for crowds but also to cure people of their afflictions. Including addiction to heroine. Jamie’s life is saved by Jacobs but things might be better if he had never been cured.

While reading the book it doesn’t take very long for the reader to understand this is a Frankenstein story about a man obsessing over his grief and loss and willing to go to any extreme to change the world. He’ll pursue knowledge at the cost of anyone and anything that comes his way.

With most Stephen King books I am of the opinion the journey toward the end of the book is better than the ending itself. With this one I feel the exact opposite. The ending is fantastic but it takes more work than it is worth to get there.

While the character of Charles Jacobs is compelling and interesting and the reader always wonders what is exactly happening with him, the weak point is the main character of Jamie Morton. I never found myself caring enough about him for it to matter to me what happened to him. Also, the story of a man who is struggling through addiction is very well trodden territory for King and it never felt like anything new here.

If the book was cut by a third and told from the perspective of Charles Jacobs this really could have been one of King’s best books. That’s not what we have however and while there are great moments of horror and some compelling events, they don’t add up to a great book.

If you love stories about people who can’t quit their obsessions this is a good one and if you like anything Stephen King writes, this is not your worst choice. Just know, it’s also not your best choice.

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TV Review Archive 81 (Episode 8)

Archive 81

Hello horror fans, it’s me, Slick Dungeon. I’ve finally made it through the last episode of the Netflix hit horror show Archive 81 and I am here to give the episode and the whole series my final thoughts. Just in case you have not yet finished the whole series yourself do be warned I may be spoiling the entire show for you. If you haven’t watched it, give it a view and then read my reviews.

Alright, now that we have that business taken care of let’s talk about this final episode. Throughout the show Dan and Melody have been on opposite ends of a timeline. Dan is in our present and Melody is in 1994. We’ve been watching events that connect the two through archived footage Melody shot and Dan is restoring.

There’s a lot more backstory to it but basically, there is a cult who wants to open a door into an alternate dimension and doesn’t really care who they have to hurt to make that happen. Twice in the show we’ve seen the ritual to make this happen and we know both times things did not go as planned.

Dan feels a strong connection to Melody and realizes she’s stuck in this alternate reality. This final episode deals with Dan attempting to bring Melody back. I guess if you’ve seen a ritual fail twice, the logical thing to do is try it again? Anyway, that’s Dan’s idea. Considering this is a horror show where weird things happen I don’t think any one is surprised when *spoiler* things go poorly. Dan essentially ends up switching places with Melody and he ends up in 1994. Melody is saved which is one thing the audience was rooting for the entire time but of course we didn’t want to see Dan stuck. Ah well, things happen I guess.

While I think some of the episodes of this show were exceptionally good, especially the early episodes, I don’t think the show reached the level of great. If you are a horror or suspense fan there are definitely worse shows to watch. This is a good show for a weekend binge but I wouldn’t get too invested in it. If they come out with a second season I doubt I will care enough to watch. But on the other hand I don’t regret the time I spent watching it at all. I don’t feel like the show cheated me of anything. The acting is really solid throughout the show and it’s able to take itself seriously without getting bogged down in the ridiculous. There are one or two twists which are genuinely surprising but the end of the show isn’t anything we haven’t seen before. While clever, it’s not amazing.

If you’ve watched this whole show, I’m curious what you thought of it. Was it worth the time or do you wish you had watched something else? Also, if you know of a great show (especially horror or suspense) I should check out next give me your recommendations in the comments.

Horrifically yours,

Slick Dungeon

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TV Review Archive 81 (Episode 7)

Archive 81

Hello horror fanatics and aficionados, it’s me, Slick Dungeon, back to review the penultimate episode of the Netflix horror hit Archive 81. There may be spoilers for the first seven episodes in this review so if that sort of thing bothers you go watch the show first and then come back to read.

The first six episodes of this show really tell us the story of Dan who is in our present and Melody who is in the 1990’s. Throughout the story we’ve been getting little tidbits of a cult that seems to have taken up residence at a place called the Visser building, once an old manor and then an apartment building in New York city. While the portions of Melody’s story would still be considered somewhat of a period piece, the seventh episode goes the furthest back in time so far all the way to 1924 to become a proper period piece. We get more context of the videos Dan has been restoring from that era which were a series of shows called the Circle. Turns out the circle was a straight up cult who seems to worship a demon/alien/god or something tied up with a comet.

I’ve said all along this show is going to hinge on its final episode for me but again if it is aliens, I’m kind of over it. Still, whatever this thing is, strange things are definitely happening and we’re about to get the really big reveals in the next episode. The show has done a good job maintaining the tone and the pace enough to make this fairly interesting and this episode still delivers but I’m not sure it’s as impactful as the makers of the show would like. Because we’ve been seeing what Dan sees and experiencing what Melody experiences, it was already pretty clear there is a cult involved and at least one of the shocking moments is not shocking because, well, we already saw it in the restored footage.

Whether or not the show can wrap all this up in an interesting way remains to be seen but I’m looking forward to the final episode to see how it ends.

Horrifically yours,

Slick Dungeon

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My Bloody Valentine (1981) – Movie Review

My BloodyValentine (1981)

Rating: 2.5 out of 5.

Hey lovebirds, Slick Dungeon here. It’s the month of February and that means love is in the air and everyone wants to celebrate Valentine’s day. Unless, of course, you live in Valentine Bluffs where a trapped miner decided to go on a killing spree offing anyone related to his mining accident or Valentine’s day. Fair warning if you have not guessed already, there will be spoilers for this movie. It came out 41 years ago, I think we’re okay to talk about this one.

Every good holiday needs it’s own slasher/killer movie. The scary ones were already taken with Halloween and Friday the 13th. The next most obvious one would probably be New Years Eve but in 1981 we got a movie suited for horror fans on a date on February 14th. I don’t know when we’ll get around to having an Arbor day slasher feature but I am sure if it is not already out there it will be.

Anyway, this movie is about a group of miners in a small town. It’s been twenty years since a killing spree happened on this holiday and the town is finally ready to move on and have some fun. It’s decorated to the max and there will be a dance.

Everything is going well until someone gets a heart shaped candy box with… an actual heart in it.

If you are a horror fan you already know what’s coming. The killings continue, the town does cancel the dance due to safety concerns, but a group of idiots insists on having a Valentine’s day party anyway. Their preferred location for said party? The mines. Well, more like the rec room of the mine at least to start but it’s still a bad idea.

Soon a maniac with a pickaxe is on the loose doing as much damage as possible. Bodies are found, dates are cornered in secluded locations and then killed, local law enforcement has to intervene and the body count rises.

Now, I know some people love this film and it’s a serviceable slasher film. But I had not seen it until now and there are a few things working against it. This is not the film’s fault but their blood and gore just doesn’t hold up. We’ve seen it done better too many other times for it to work here. We’ve also seen this story done before, the only difference is the mine is a somewhat unique location for a slasher film. As in most slasher films a lot of dumb decisions are made by the main characters but the choice to go down into an abandoned part of a mine on a night when you already know people have been killed and there is a maniac on the loose seems exceedingly reckless. But the point that most works against this film is the one that can make or break any slasher film. The twist at the end. Friday the 13th did this especially well and Scream is brilliant at this but My Bloody Valentine has a twist that seems rushed and obvious all at once. There’s not a great backstory to it and it feels completely tacked on. I think if they pulled this off better I might have been able to give this three stars instead of two and a half.

If you need a Valentine’s day slasher film to watch, well, this is one of them. It’s not great but it’ll do in a pinch. Just make sure you don’t accept any heart shaped candy boxes with actual hearts in them.

Are you a big fan of Valentine’s themed slashers? If you know a good one, let me know in the comments below!

Horrifically yours,

Slick Dungeon

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TV Review Archive 81 (Episode 6)

Archive 81

Hey TV bingers, it’s me Slick Dungeon. I’m back to review the sixth episode of the horror hit Archive 81 currently streaming on Netflix. Just a fair warning that there could be spoilers for any of the first six episodes of this show in this review. If you’re all caught up or you simply don’t care about spoilers, feel free to read on!

For the first five episodes of this show things have gotten increasingly strange. Melody is in the past trying to find out what might have happened to her mother at a building called the Visser. Dan is restoring footage with Melody on it in a remote location. Dan does have some access to the outside world and Melody is free to leave the Visser any time she wants. Yet their fates are intertwined and Dan and Melody seem to somehow be communicating through time. Through it all strange and horrifying things keep happening. Any time Dan or Melody explain what is going on they sound downright disturbed mentally.

Thus we reach the sixth episode where everyone becomes exceedingly hysterical. The episode begins this time with footage of what looks like an old film of a show Dan has been restoring called The Circle which is also the name of this episode. Melody wakes up in an unfamiliar apartment without any recollection of how she got there or who’s apartment it is.

The bulk of the episode is spent with Melody who is understandably freaked out, especially considering her friend is missing and she saw someone jump to their death the night before. As she goes on her quest to find more answers she seems more and more like she’s wildly out of control but of course the audience knows she is completely sane.

Dan, meanwhile stumbles onto some tapes made by the last guy who tried to restore the same videos he is working on. Let’s just say it seems like it didn’t go well for that guy. This does reinforce for us that Dan is also sane but sounds like he is not when he describes what is going on to his friend on the outside.

The show does feel like it’s starting to come to a bit of a conclusion as we seem to know at least who all the key figures are. Exactly what they want and how they are attempting to accomplish getting that remain a mystery. And as in most of the episodes there is a big twist at the end. I won’t spoil it here but it does have something to do with the footage Dan has been watching and some of the footage we saw very early on in the series.

It’s a little hard to tell if it’s possible but this episode does leave the audience hoping Dan could somehow save Melody even though that should be completely impossible.

There are only a few more episodes to go and I still think this whole show hinges entirely on the last episode. If they can tie things up and connect the story this could be a great show. If not, then there are some great episodes but it might not be worth a full watch. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Horrifically yours,

Slick Dungeon

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