The One Where Adam Sandler Yells and Kevin Garnett Obsesses Over a Rock
Have you ever seen an Adam Sandler movie where he didn’t yell like a maniac? I don’t think I have. Some of his movies are funny and he has one or two that are better than the rest. But this one is supposed to be different because… it’s a drama? Okay, yeah, that makes this yelling different I guess? Also, Kevin Garnett is in this so, that makes it different too?
I just watched Uncut Gems, and while I can see why some people think this is the performance of Adam Sandler’s lifetime, I don’t see it. Fair warning because I am going to spoil this movie in this review. If you want to watch first before you read on, you have been warned.
Uncut Gems is a story about a jeweler who has purchased well… uncut gems. He is hoping to sell them at an auction to make a huge profit over what he paid for it. The jeweler, played by Adam Sandler, is in major gambling debt, is having a terrible time in his relationships with his wife and children, and scams every third person he sees.
One day, Kevin Garnett, played by, uh Kevin Garnett of course, shows up to the jeweler’s store. After trying to sell hims some stuff, Adam Sandler shows Garnett his uncut gems. Garnett asks to borrow it and the jeweler lets him. Sandler then places huge bets on the game, because, you know, gambling addiction, and as you might expect, things get worse from there.
The rest of the film basically follows Adam Sandler running around, scamming people, and chasing down Kevin Garnett to get the rock back. Meanwhile, a bunch of goons are after Adam Sandler because he owes them money. There is a lot of yelling, a lot of toxic masculinity happening, and a somewhat shocking end.
I did think the performances in this were actually good, and I can see why people respected Sandler’s performance. But here’s the thing with this one, it’s just any of Sandler’s characters if they were not funny and they got to say the f word every three seconds. I didn’t really feel like there was much point to this film somehow. It was just a lot of run around and trying to keep up with how Sandler scammed whoever got a little exhausting.
Honestly, to me the bright spot in this was Kevin Garnett. He plays himself but there are professional athletes who have a hard time pulling even that much off. I’d sort of like to see him in a different movie, actually playing a character in the future.
While this movie got some award buzz, it’s really not there in my mind for winning. I think Sandler could have an Oscar turn in him sometime but between this one and Punch Drunk Love, I prefer the latter.
Another side note here is that they have Idina Menzel in it but she doesn’t sing. That’s a complete waste of talent, although she does a great job as an actress here.
I did have a few thoughts on the movie.
- The very beginning shows a horrific accident that happens in the mine where the gem is discovered. It then transitions to Adam Sandler’s colon. I am not kidding. His colon! Did we have to see that? I mean really?
- The jewelry store that Sandler works out of is in some upper story of a building and you had to be buzzed in to get to the store. I’ll be honest, the whole geography of the store in the building confused the hell out of me. I couldn’t tell what freaking floor it was on, let alone how you would ever hear about this place. Who runs a jewelry store like that?
- Speaking of that door, it sticks and is a major, major plot point in this thing. You know what I couldn’t help thinking? Why wouldn’t you get that fixed?!?!?!?
- What kind of an idiot loans a gem that you think is worth a million dollars to anyone, even if it is just overnight? This is one of those films that could have been over five minutes in if the main character had made one single rational decision.
- Adam Sandler in this movie is like, the worst husband and father ever. Like seriously, the worst. In addition he seems to have an apartment while also living in a house with his wife and kids. Just seeing how sleazy this guy is, how in the hell is the wife ever surprised at the terrible stuff he does?
- Speaking of which, why is anyone friends with this dude?
- Also, how does he know freaking everybody? Is being a jeweler how you get famous? Man, I missed my calling.
- The door with the buzzer seems to let you in or out. I was also under the impression that you could let someone only in or out with it. At the end there are some guys who are really mad at Adam Sandler (justifiably so) but Sandler lets them into rather than out of the store. Not that the guy deserves what happens next, but that was a stupid, stupid move.
- I really did not need to see Sandler ugly cry.
- Could we just have The Wedding Singer 2 next time Sandler is going for dramatic yelling? Please?
I hope you all stay safe out there and if you see any uncut opals, don’t lend them to Kevin Garnett. Just don’t.
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