Ummm… What?

Slick Dungeon back again with a film review that nearly didn’t happen. Not only are the beasts in the walls making a horrible racket, this film (if it can even be called that) was almost too hard for even me to finish watching. My standards are pretty low considering I am locked in a dungeon and watching nothing but terrible films. But this one almost broke me.

A little background to this film. It was made in Germany for $1000 Euros. Apparently Lloyd Kaufman was there (he’s one of the geniuses behind the creation of the whole Troma operation) and they decided to make a… series of images that include sound and motion. I hesitate to actually call this a film. Most of the budget apparently went to renting a broadcast building they could film at.

There is a mix of American and German actors and most of the lines are clearly spoken in German but then dubbed in English. This is supposed to be Troma’s take on a body horror film. Things like The Human Centipede or Alien would also count as body horror. Attack of the Tromaggot is full of fake looking slime, a really cheap looking puppet that is supposed to be the Tromaggot, and a major amount of fart jokes and confusion.

The last Troma movie I reviewed, Space Zombie Bingo!!! didn’t exactly have a plot but I could at least explain the attempt. This one? Well, there’s a company that deals in, slime I guess? Some people kind of eat it sometimes. There’s a cadaver under the sewers that has some maggots in it. Slime goes in sewers and there’s a monster created. There’s some scientists trying to cover it up and there’s an illegal organization that deals in this slime. There’s, maybe police? I can’t really tell. Lots of people get murdered by the lamest looking puppet ever. They tend to break the fourth wall in this movie extremely frequently. It’s like this thing is daring you to actually finish watching this.

With a studio like Troma, you do sometimes get truly unique things that revel in their awfulness and can be entertaining to watch. This was a thing and you could watch it. If you want roughly ninety minutes of making your brain hurt. I hate to say this, but if Troma puts more like this out, they aren’t going to last. Or at least, they are going to lose their reputation for being cutting edge subversive. This one seems like just an accidental series of things put on video (definitely not actual film) that they packaged into a DVD to sell to suckers at conventions.

There are a few standout moments in the movie so I am going to tell you what they are so you don’t have to suffer through this.

Lloyd Kaufman has a cameo in this and he wants to trade the “stuff” for the “trash” so he can get his teddy bear back. The stuff is the slime mucus. But the trash was a stack of Troma DVD’s. That kinda made me chuckle.

There’s a guy who is sort of a street dealer, bad guy, I think? Anyway he needs to meet with this organization called Mucus and they say that they need to meet at a quiet warehouse, “Like the kind that’s perfect for cheap film makers. We’ll do it towards the end of the movie.” Again I got a little chuckle here.

The best stunt they pull in this movie is when a guy gets killed in a fight. He takes a punch to the face and goes down. His head is cracked open but what they use for the head in a quick cut is a watermelon. Seconds later a woman who was in the scene is eating watermelon.

That’s it. That’s all that was good in this. I usually like to give a longer review to something I’ve watched but this is all I can give. Even so, I think that I may have written the most extensive review of this ….thing? that has ever been written. I could be wrong about that but if you did a longer review than me, I have only one question. Why?

I’ll be back again next week with another review. I’m slowly and silently setting down the Troma and hoping it improves with age. Next I will be reviewing Emo the Musical. Do you think they are just missing an L in that first word?

Lucklessly yours,

Slick Dungeon