Tusk – #MovieReview

I Am The Walrus? I Guess?

Slick Dungeon here, back to review the second movie on Buzzfeed’s most disturbing movies to watch list – Tusk. You know how there are movies that bring us together and make us think that the world is a better place because artists have a creative outlet and audiences can connect on a human level and the world seems a little better because of it? This is the exact opposite of that. This is the kind of movie that makes you think maybe the whole idea of letting anyone who has the resources put something on film and share it with the world is perhaps a very bad idea.

I write this review as someone who has enjoyed Kevin Smith movies in the past. And this sort of had potential until it dove into the complete weirdness of it. I’ll try to sum this up below.

An arrogant podcaster named Wallace goes to Canada to interview a kid who went viral on an embarrassing video that also caused him to lose a limb. The podcaster apparently used to be a nice guy according to a few flashbacks, prior to the podcast but now is a total jerkwad. So he goes to interview this kid but it turns out that the kid killed himself and Wallace (who will become, yes, a walrus) needs to find a new person to interview. He finds a hand written ad in a bar bathroom and it sounds interesting so he grabs a big gulp and drives two hours to a dude’s house, without telling anyone where he is going or why. Good call? Actually, no it isn’t.

The dude is a psycho obsessed with walruses and tends to make people into a human version of a walrus. Yeah, I am not kidding, that’s the hook here. There’s a good amount of body horror here but it looks so stupid and fake that it’s just weird and it never worked for me at all. While this is all going on, we get to see how Wallace has changed into a jerky person, that his best friend is sleeping with his girlfriend and a seriously bizarre performance from Johnny Depp.

Here are the few bright spots in this film.

  1. Haley Joel Osment acting again
  2. A slight bit of humor in a convenience store (that ultimately leads into a terrible spin-off called Yoga Hosers)
  3. Michael Parks has a great turn as a villain although what he is doing is completely idiotic and nowhere near as frightening as he was in Red State. If you want to watch a decent Kevin Smith horror film, that one is excellent.
  4. The beyond weird performance given by Johnny Depp. I still can’t decide how I feel about it exactly but it was a decidedly unique performance.

And… yeah that’s about it. But I guess if you always wanted to see what a human body stitched together to look like the form of a walrus is, this is really your only choice. I wouldn’t call this film especially disturbing although it tended to be gross with a lot of body horror. But the disturbing thing to me is really how they wasted the potential here. This is pretty much the plot of Misery although the protagonist is not a famous author and the antagonist is obsessed with walruses instead of literature. It could have been so, so, so much better. I feel like Michael Parks is wasted in the ridiculousness of the whole film. He plays it nice and creepy and is able to keep the audience on edge and then he starts talking about walruses reproductive organs and it’s just like, whyyyyyyyyy?!

About a third of this movie is worth watching and the rest is just garbage. I know a lot of people love this movie but I just don’t see it. It’s not bad enough to be good and it’s not even close to good enough to be good. It’s just stupid. Sorry Kevin.

I am not sure what I’ll be reviewing next but man it’s got to be better than this pile of drivel.

Seafaringly yours,

Slick Dungeon

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Satanic Panic – #MovieReview

The First Day at Work Suuuucks

There’s a good chance that if you are reading this you are stuck inside. Maybe you have exhausted all of your Netflix options and need something new to watch. Well if you like horror comedy, Satanic Panic should be right up your alley. It will inject a little laughter and a good amount of blood splatter into your otherwise dull day.

Spoilers follow so be forewarned.

Sam has just been hired to be a pizza delivery girl and is having a rough time on her first day. She’s delayed by people asking weird and ridiculous things of her, like helping move a huge box, and uhh… peeing on someone’s face. The first one she does, the second she wisely refuses to do. Her night gets worse from there.

She gets the chance to go deliver to a wealthy neighborhood and is hoping for some major tips when she gets to the huge house. The dude inside stiffs her and she gets back on her Vespa to go and return to work. Unfortunately she has run out of gas so she can’t start the thing. She tries to go back and ask jerky rich dude for a tip so she can just get home and it seems like she has interrupted some kind of self help meeting. Turns out it was a satanic coven trying to enact a ritual to bring forth a demon and creating chaos in the world. So you know, pretty similar to a self help meeting.

Sam spends the rest of the time running around trying not to, you know, get murdered and stuff. The usual thing happens where she doesn’t believe stuff, then sees people die and starts to believe it and then makes a friend and then they are in this together but the odds are stacked against them and, yeah more people get killed and so on.

I had a few thoughts about this movie.

  • Sam goes into the house she delivers pizza to beg for a tip. But see, she’s already out of gas. Why didn’t she just head towards the gas station, since she would have to walk anyway, and ask people for change along the way? It’s pretty clear that these rich people are non-tipping jerkwads so, maybe don’t expect help from that department.
  • There’s a serious amount of body horror in this but I found it utterly hilarious how the head of the coven, Danica, played by Rebecca Romijn, orders her subordinates around with baking instructions for satanic needs.
  • The premise of this movie seems to be that rich jerky people who are in power stay in power because they are willing to sacrifice their children and harness satanic powers. Checks notes: yep that makes a lot of sense.
  • This coven seems to need Sam because she is a virgin but they all assume that she is, before she confirms it later in the movie. Why wouldn’t she lie to them once it was apparent everyone wants her for a hell ritual?
  • I think Sam goes without actually killing a single person in this movie, even when it would be called for in self defense (there’s one where she was willing to but couldn’t because, er, magic so she’s not unwilling to defend herself). Where can I get some of that plot armor?
  • This movie is surprisingly well acted for such a silly premise. Can we get more like this please?
  • Demon spawn fuzzy bunnies. I am not going to give this away, but yes, demon spawn fuzzy bunnies exist in this movie.
  • Also, if a pizza delivery girl is trying to sell you a rabbit, say no.
  • I love how they keep insulting Sam’s wardrobe in this because she has, “A Wal-Mart bra”. That sounds so much like something a rich jerk would say, it’s kind of awesome.
  • Also, apparently if you are in a rich neighborhood and a babysitter offers you a Coke, say no.
  • If there is anything I have learned from recent horror movies, it’s this: stay out of wealthy, suburban communities. Those people are twisted.
  • Why is it that in every horror movie when someone runs out of gas at the beginning but then has the opportunity to start the vehicle in the end, it always ends up starting that second time? Like, if my car ran out of gas and I waited long enough, as long as someone tried to kill me, is that an automatic fill up? Or is that maybe just some special rewards program at a particular gas station?

Honestly, I kind of enjoyed this movie. It’s no Titanic but it’ll keep you relatively entertained for about ninety minutes and in the world we live in right now, that’s about all I am asking for.

Hope you enjoyed that review. I’ll be back with more later this week.

Tippingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a comission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Want to see for yourself? Click below!

Leprechaun 3 – #MovieReview

Stay Out of Nevada

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I know, we were all hoping to go out to pubs, restaurants and parades but this year, it’s not a great plan. You know what else wasn’t well planned? Leprechaun 3.

Since you are likely stuck at home anyway, why not take advantage and watch some silly horror movies? A Leprechaun marathon might be the way to go. I’ve reviewed a couple of the others of these and I will keep going through the franchise but today, I am going to tell you about the third film in the series.

Okay, so follow me here because this plot is uh… weird. So remember the first two Leprechaun movies? Yeah, forget those because this one is all different. This champion of a film has a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, that’s what a work of cinematic genius this is. It’s nearly impossible to be that low rated and be a movie that was actually made, so that’s one thing they can brag about. To be fair I think it was only released on video but it still earns that 0% rating for sure.

This time our story revolves around Scott and Tammy. Tammy is an assistant magician in Las Vegas who works for Fazio, the least impressive magician ever. Scott is some young dude who sees Tammy’s car broken down on the street and fixes it. For this reason they will go through a bunch of trauma and fall in love by the end of the movie.

Oh hey, spoilers by the way.

Anyway, for no reason that I can figure out, this guy shows up in a pawn shop with the Leprechaun from the previous two films. Only this time, the Leprechaun is stone and has a medallion around his neck. The guy who pawns the statue says it is a good luck charm and not to touch the medallion. Pawn shop owner then immediately touches the medallion. Good job horror film fodder!

The Leprechaun awakens and wreaks some havoc but we learn that he can be stopped by the medallion and that if you get the Leprechaun’s gold you get one wish for every one of his hundred shillings. Also, that the Leprechaun’s weakness is his gold. I mean, in the first movie it was a four leaf clover and in the second movie it was iron, but we are forgetting those okay? Those never happened.

Meanwhile Scott gives Tammy a ride to Vegas where she works at a casino called The Lucky Shamrock. See what the film makers did there? Yep, they snuck in a reference to something related to the Leprechaun. Checks notes: yep, very clever of them. Very clever.

Anyway apparently Scott is not old enough to gamble and Tammy tells him not to gamble and then he says he really wants to see the casino and then she is like okay, just don’t gamble. He goes and immediately gambles. And loses everything he had. Way to go horror movie hero!

Scott then needs to go pawn his watch to stay in the game. The game by the way was rigged by the casino worker there so Scott had no chance either way. Scott finds the very murdered body of the pawn shop owner, calls the cop and flees the scene but not before he picks up… you guessed it, a gold shilling. He wishes that he was winning at the casino and boom, there he goes off an running.

The movie ensues with the Leprechaun hunting down and getting all murdery on a bunch of people in various ways, some of whom totally deserve it, including the casino owner, Fazio and the casino worker rigging the game.

I won’t give away how the Leprechaun does the deed on those people but, I had a few thoughts about this movie.

  • Why do they keep changing this guy’s powers and weaknesses. Okay, okay I know some people will tell me, the actual Leprechaun in this movie is different from the Leprechaun in some of the other Leprechaun movies, despite the fact that he is played by the same actor. Nope, that doesn’t fly because in the last movie the Leprechaun was allergic to wrought iron but that isn’t even thought of in this one, so nope. Also, why are we wasting time arguing about a fictional Leprechaun in a bad horror comedy franchise again?
  • Even if the powers and weaknesses had been consistent between movies, they sure are not in this movie. The most awesomely weird part of this film can be summarized in one ridiculous word. Were-leprechaun! Yep, that’s right, Scott is literally bitten by the Leprechaun and starts to turn into one himself. On the one hand this is bad because, you know, he has to be a Leprechaun now, but on the other hand it is good because Scott can very conveniently find the pot of gold that can destroy the leprechaun but on the third hand (?) it’s bad because now Scott, really, really wants that gold. But the Leprechaun literally bites like three other people in this movie and even more in previous movies so why is Scott the only one who starts to turn into a Leprechaun? This movie about a fictional creature who randomly murders people for stealing his gold is totally unbelievable now…
  • This has happened both in the first and third movies of this series but, is it realistic that the lead couple will meet for the first time, spend a horrible night running away from a killer Leprechaun and fall in love by the end of the movie? I mean, I get that shared traumatic experiences bring people together but… from a killer Leprechaun? Also, how are these people not institutionalized for telling their meet cute story to anyone, ever?
  • Note to self, if stuck in Leprechaun movie, make sure to be one half of the lead couple as so far they have a 100% not getting dead rate in this franchise.
  • There are a couple of thug characters in this movie who do some silly dialogue with each other that I think is supposed to be comic relief. Uh, did the film makers think we needed a break from the serious drama that they had unfolding before us? Because if so, they were mistaken.
  • The Leprechaun uses some hypnotic powers on people and why doesn’t he do that all the time? I mean really, every time he does that he kills the person. So, Leprechaun my dude, just keep doing that.
  • This is the third film in the franchise but I still haven’t figure out, is the Leprechaun required to speak in limericks or does he just really like to? I mean he does say things that aren’t limericks but a lot of times he does. Is that a compulsion or something? Also, why has no one challenged this guy to a rhyme off?
  • Speaking of things that make no sense, why was this located in Las Vegas? I mean I get that there are people there gambling and there would be gold involved but a Leprechaun still just doesn’t make a lot of sense there.
  • Also, what’s the deal with the guy who brought the Leprechaun to the pawn shop? How did he get the Leprechaun and why? And then who thinks, I have a cemented deadly Leprechaun frozen by a medallion, you know what I am going to pawn it? That’s pretty far down the list of good ideas here.
  • But still the Leprechaun is a little murder machine and it’s kind of entertaining to watch so, I’ll go with it.

These movies are getting a little exhausting so I might take a break and review something else in between but I promise in the long run to review every single one of these suckers. I think I may have to forget about the previous ones each time I watch a new one though, if the trend continues.

Still, if you need some humor and you are a horror fan, you might as well watch these movies, it’s something to do while you are stuck inside anyway.

Luckily yours,

Slick Dungeon

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a comission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

P.S. Want to stream this immediately? Click below.

Blood Hunters Rise of the Hybrids – #MovieReview

The action Goes Boom!

Slick Dungeon here, coming at you hard and fast with a martial arts action film review. DarkCoast pictures reached out to me with a screener copy of Blood Hunters Rise of the Hybrids in exchange for an honest opinion about the film. I’ll give you a bit of the plot summary and then tell you about the good, the bad and the kicks in the face.

Blood Hunters Rise of the Hybrids is a low budget, independent martial arts film by Vincent Soberano who also stars in the movie as the character Bolo. The movie also stars Sarah Chang as Gabriela and Mayling Ng as Maya.

I think at this point in the world, a lot of us are trying to make the most out of video streaming because no one wants to go out into a crowd anymore and some people are not allowed to. So what do you do to keep busy? Watch movies. Lots of movies and shows. You’ve watched The Witcher, you caught up on The Boys, and you have watched The Baby Yoda show on loop for the last ten days and it’s time to look for something else. Maybe something you haven’t seen before.

Well, like it or hate it, I can tell you, you haven’t seen Blood Hunters Rise of the Hybrids before. Personally, I am in favor of any film these days that can claim to be independent. If there’s a good story and plenty of entertainment to be had, so much the better. This movie gets some of that right but not all of it.

The story goes like this. There’s a race of alien creatures called the Aswang. They are sort of a cross between vampires and werewolves but they pretty much look human. They are extremely fast and very strong. The really cool thing about them is that they are based on Filipino folklore that Soberano grew up with. I love the idea of monsters that don’t get enough exposure getting some air time.

Anyway, these Aswang are trying to dominate the human race. There was a human trying to stop them named Naga. When he gets the chance to stop the queen of the Aswang, Maya, he instead injects himself with her blood and becomes one of these creatures. Meanwhile there is a group of humans who are basically mercenaries trying to stop Naga and Maya. These people also inject themselves with the Aswang blood to give themselves strength and power but they are on the side of humanity. Confused yet? I was a bit too. I think one thing the movie suffers from is not giving enough time for the origins of the Aswang to play out, instead opting for exposition on their background.

The film also cuts back and forth between what seems to have happened before and the action going on now. It’s not always clear who is doing what or why.

There’s really cool artwork that the film uses to transition scenes with. Sort of like Sin City did. While I love the artwork, which if I understand correctly, Soberano also made, the transitions can get a bit distracting here. It wasn’t completely off putting and it certainly doesn’t ruin the film but it does seem like it happens just a little too often.

The story centers on Gabriela who has a husband and child that were seemingly murdered by Naga. She’s out on a quest for vengeance and she kicks serious butt.

She goes after the creatures as hard as she can. We even learn that her family was basically the first victims of these attacks. Other than that, her motivations are not always real clear.

The film does the wise thing by not overdoing the blood and gore factor. We mostly see dead bodies covered in blood after the fact, but there’s no silly decapitations or anything like that. I feel like that makes the violence the creatures do more impactful.

I would go on with summarizing the story but it’s a little disjointed. The main thing to know is that there are bad, strong monsters that want to kill humans. And there is a group of humans that want to kill the monsters. That’s enough for me though. You know why?

The freaking action scenes are phenomenal.

This movie reminded me of some of the Kung Fu movies I grew up watching on late night television or early morning Sundays. The point is the fighting above all else. That being said, there are still some things I found a little silly.

  • At one point Gabriela fires a slingshot into a stack of boxes near a car. The whole thing blows up. I’m all for unnecessary explosions but, uh one sling shot? Really? And later she uses the same thing to sling shot a dart at someone so, uh did the whole thing actually blow up with one single dart? I mean cool explosion though…
  • There’s one character who basically has fake fangs in his mouth. It made it pretty hard to understand his dialogue and even after watching more than once, I am still not sure what that guy was saying. Still, his martial arts game is strong so all good.
  • These creatures can’t be killed by anything other than a special type of blade. The “Slayers” as they are called, the mercenary group that want to stop the Aswang, sneak up on the enemy base and eliminate a bunch of the guards around them, using guns. Why wouldn’t these creatures post guards that were Aswang instead?! Also, after they are in the building, and about to go after Maya and Naga and the big bads, one of the Slayers says, “blades out, this is the Aswang lair.” Maybe you should have mentioned that outside bro? I mean cause, you are already inside so, good thing there was no one in that hallway I guess?

All that aside, the best part of this movie happens from when the dude says to get the blades out.

The sword battles and one on one match ups are phenomenal. Personally, I am kind of sick of martial arts action that relies on wires and shaky camera editing to make things look cool, rather than just letting the camera stay back and allowing us to see human skill. This movie absolutely does not make that mistake. The fighting is great, the action is framed well for the most part and there are cool moves from both good and bad guys. There’s a little touch of special effects given to the Aswang to make them seem other than human but it in no way takes away from the fight scenes. And from my point of view, since most of the movie is an extended fight scene, that makes this movie worth a watch.

The match up between Gabriela and Maya was particularly enjoyable to me. You can tell how carefully these fight scenes were choreographed and that the actors are skilled martial artists in their own right.

The end gets a little messy again with a surprise betrayal and some characters that we weren’t all that attached to losing fights and it becomes a bit confusing. The very end leaves us on a cliff hanger setting up for a sequel. For my part I hope that Soberano and crew do more films together. I just hope that next time he keeps the action fast but slows down on the set up. I would like to see less exposition and more character growth. But the same amount of kicks in the face. Actually, more kicks in the face. I can always use more kicks in the face. Wait, that sounded wrong. Anyway, yeah Soberano is talented and should make more independent films and I hope he will. I’ll be there for the action, just maybe not entirely for the story.

Blood Hunters Rise of the Hybrids will be streaming on March 17th (Amazon, Vimeo on Demand, FlixFling, Vudu, FANDANGO)

Face Kickingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

Leprechaun 2 – #MovieReview

Dude Still Wants His Gold

Remember Leprechaun? Remember how at the end the Leprechaun died when a four leaf clover was launched into him and he was tricked into swallowing it and then melted away? Yeah, see we are going to forget all that. I mean, completely, forget it ever happened. Why? We need a sequel!

Somehow after making Leprechaun, someone somewhere decided that what the world needed was more of this story. And pretty much almost the same story, but set in Hollywood instead because, you know, film costs and all. I know what you are thinking, “but wait, why would anyone do that?” It’s a good question. The answer? Money. The first movie made some money and the second one should reasonably do the same so let’s just pretend there was not a first one and we won’t cast Jennifer Aniston now, nor follow up on any of the characters from that movie because we are forgetting about that ok?

Here’s a quick rundown of the plot for this one. Spoilers abound below.

The Leprechaun has a birthday every 1000 years on St. Patrick’s Day. What does the birthday boy want? Not gold. No, for his birthday this guy gets to choose a bride. How does he do that? He finds a woman he wants to marry and makes her sneeze three times. If no one says, “God bless you,” the woman is now a leprechaun bride and I guess that is that. I assume his wedding cake will look like this:

In the beginning of this one, the Leprechaun has a slave who wants to get his freedom. Tricks on him though because all he has to do is let the Leprechaun take his bride. Who does the Leprechaun want for a bride? That guy’s daughter. Dude figures he’d rather be dead than give up his daughter so he prevents the Leprechaun from having his wedding day. Conveniently that moves the story forward because the Leprechaun swears he will get his revenge by tracking down the fairest of his heirs a thousand years later and making her his bride.

This brings us to Bridget, Cody and Morty, our resident victims for the night. It’s a thousand years later and we know that Bridget is the one in trouble cause we totally saw a close up of a hand drawn map with some female profiles sketched on it, so yeah, that’s her. For some reason there is a tree in the middle of Hollywood that may or may not have something to do with Houdini that is where the Leprechaun makes his magical home. He comes out of the tree, sees a homeless man with a gold tooth and tears it out. Note to self: when crazy drunk starts talking about Leprechaun taking his gold tooth on St. Patrick’s Day, believe him.

Bridget is a teenager who has a boyfriend named Cody. Cody has a job convincing suckers to take a lame tour that is supposed to be a creepy ghost tour. Morty is the host of said tours and a con artist. Also a drunk.

All Bridget wants is to go Go-Kart driving ok? But dumb Cody has to you know, work and do this tour because Morty sucks and driving a hearse drunk is probably a bad call. So Cody does the responsible thing and leads the tour while Bridget whines about not going Go-Karting.

After they finally get to the Go-Kart place, Ian who is also interested in Bridget, hits on her in a creepy way. Cody isn’t real happy with the fact that she goes off with Ian instead of him. Meanwhile the Leprechaun has started creepy stalking Bridget from the background. Ian drops Bridget off at her place and turns into a real jerk in about ten seconds wanting make out favors in exchange for the chili dogs he bought her. Well, the Leprechaun puts that dude in his place by making him think he is about to kiss Bridget but instead he is kissing some insane circular saw device that rips the dude’s face off. And we get our first real kill of the movie.

Cody comes over trying to make it up to Bridget but the Leprechaun makes her sneeze three times and Cody only says gesundheit. Way to go Cody, now you have to spend the night hoping not to die. Good job.

The rest of the movie is pretty much what you would expect. Lots of running around and trying to convince people there is a Leprechaun. Lots of people not believing it and then getting killed for their trouble. One scene of the Leprechaun losing a drinking contest, and of course the Leprechaun driving a murder Go-Kart!

It’s pretty weird horror fun from there. Still, I had a few questions.

  • Why exactly does the Leprechaun live in a tree? I mean, wouldn’t an actual cave make more sense?
  • Who came up with the three sneeze rule? Is that an Irish thing?
  • Did you know this is the only Leprechaun movie in the series that takes place on St. Patrick’s Day. Seems like an annual opportunity to me but whatever.
  • In this movie, the Leprechaun can get hurt by wrought iron. There’s all kinds of bars and bits of wrought iron everywhere in this movie. That is super convenient but why was it never mentioned in the first one?
  • We’re forgetting the first one okay?
  • Cody ends up with one of the Leprechaun’s coins and because of that the Leprechaun is distracted and has to prioritize getting it back over, you know, consummating the marriage with Bridget. Why is that? Surely it’s more convenient for the Leprechaun to get the coin back later because he only gets a wedding night once every thousand years but he could pretty much murder people to get money back whenever he wants to.
  • Morty plays three card monte with Cody and successfully tricks the Leprechaun into losing a drinking contest. Why the hell doesn’t Morty bet the Leprechaun then and there that he will give the coin back in exchange for Bridget if he can win three card monte? I bet you anything that was going to be in the movie but was cut for some reason. Like, we already had ninety minutes of a murder Leprechaun and doing the game would give us a few more than that.
  • Speaking of Morty, he turns into a real idiot. He is able to figure out a way to trap the Leprechaun and the dude is stuck in a wrought iron safe. The Leprechaun can’t get out so Morty demands three wishes. What kind of an idiot just says,”I want your gold.” for a wish? You know the little guy is going to mess you up right? In the most hilarious part of the whole movie (maybe the series, I dunno) the Leprechaun puts the gold into Morty’s stomach. How does he not die from that instantly? His belly becomes gold pot shaped so Morty wishes the Leprechaun out and then is dumb enough to wish the pot out of his stomach. We all know where this is going right? I mean yeah, stomach gets cut open. Way to go Morty, you’re a dead idiot now.
  • Cody figures out that the Leprechaun can’t kill him as long as he has that gold coin. He’s able to trick the Leprechaun with a chocolate gold coin later in the movie. Why doesn’t everyone freaking do that? You know. put a freshly plucked four leaf clover in it, get him to eat it and walk away with the gold. Oh wait, we are forgetting about the four leaf clover aren’t we? But it worked in the first movie.
  • We are forgetting about that movie!
  • Okay but even if we are forgetting about that first movie, I have spotted a plot hole here. Why can the Leprechaun murder Morty to get his pot of gold back but can’t murder Cody to get a single coin back?! Come on people, be consistent with your murder Leprechaun rules. The world doesn’t need more confusion!
  • Cody is able to effectively get away from the Leprechaun but along the way it basically looks like he did all the murdering that night. So why don’t the police arrest Cody?! I mean again, not just for the time he sped along a highway with five people in a hearse. That dude is going to have a LOT of explaining to do. Still, if I am going to want to survive this movie series, so far I am hanging out with Cody and Bridget. And you know, not gonna be an idiot about asking for stupid things.

I could give the rest away but that would ruin the fun in case you want to watch this on your own. (Link below if you are interested)

Forgetfully yours,

Slick Dungeon

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a comission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Want to watch Morty be an idiot? Click below!

Whatcha gonna do if the Leprechaun comes for you?

I want me gold coins!

I’m getting ready to watch Leprechaun 2 and I am wondering why people in these movies don’t just give the guy his money back. What do you think? Would you give up the goods or do you think you could survive the nasty guy trying to kill you all night? Let me know in the comments!

Inquisitively yours,

Slick Dungeon

Leprechaun – #MovieReview

I want Me Gold Coins!

Here in the United States of America, every March 17th a really annoying thing happens. Everyone who you have ever met will suddenly tell you that they are Irish or part Irish or, you know, are pretty sure that they came from the same country as Mel Gibson somewhere in their background so of course they are Irish. To them I reply, surely you have seen the cult masterpiece film that is Leprechaun then right?

The answer is usually no. I would say as cult classic/trash cinema goes the whole Leprechaun series is a must have. I’m not saying they are good, far from it, but there is nothing like them in cinema, I can guarantee you that. I am going to review all of these films right here on my blog, starting with the first and basically only kind of decent one, Leprechaun.

This film stars Warwick Davis as the eponymous Leprechaun and a very young Jennifer Aniston. That’s right, Brad Pitt’s future ex was a lead in Leprechaun in 1992. Take that Friends!

I am going to review this and give away some of the plot here so if you want to be surprised by the schlock-fest that is Leprechaun, you have been forewarned.

The movie starts off with a little Leprechaun descending some stairs and counting coins in his pot of gold. He says a deadly rhyme about how he will straight up murder anyone who takes his gold. This dude keeps his promises too.

Some guy arrives home in North Dakota (we never get a more specific location than that) from Ireland after his mother’s funeral. He asks his wife if the package has arrived from the funeral parlor. Funny thing though, this dude has randomly shown up in a limo and is talking about how he is rich now. I think we can all guess that he stole some Leprechaun gold and is in big trouble.

Moments later the Leprechaun shows up, knocks his wife down some stairs and we have victim number one dead on the spot. The man, O’Grady by name, is more prepared than his poor wife though. He has a freshly plucked four leaf clover that seems to hurt the Leprechaun. He forces the magical creature into a crate, leaves the clover on top of it, and goes on his merry way, I assume to live the good life while he can.

Fast forward ten years and we get Tory arriving with her father to take up residence in the same house the Leprechaun struck ten years ago. It’s dusty and creepy and Tory doesn’t want to stay but is convinced to because she gets a good look at Nathan, a beefy dude who is there to paint the old house. Nathan has along with him Alex, a young kid who seems to know more about how things work than anyone else in this movie, and Ozzie, a grown man who is several times referred to as a kid but is also sometimes referred to as an adult. It’s clear that he is developmentally slower than other adults but the dude does not look a day younger than forty, probably because the actor was born in 1958 and this was released in 1992 so, yeah he was older. I am guessing that character was a kid in the original script and they decided not to have two kid actors and just went, yeah it’s fine, leave the dialogue.

Once all our characters are assembled, I think you can guess how this goes. They spend an uncomfortable night trying to keep their lives while being pursued by a ruthless, magical Leprechaun who just wants his money back, ok? Alex and Ozzie early on actually do find the gold and try to hide it but that doesn’t work out too well. To add to the trouble, one of the gold coins has been swallowed by Ozzie so they have to find out how to kill, or at least stop, the Leprechaun before they are all killed to death.

It’s kind of a silly romp of gore and weird jokes from there. I don’t want to spoil everything for you here so I am just going to tell you some thoughts I had while watching this.

  • In the beginning, O’Grady captures the Leprechaun to steal the gold but they never show how he did it. Maybe he should have written this down because I think it would have been good to have in the future wouldn’t it?
  • When the Leprechaun is trapped in a crate for ten years it is because a fresh four leaf clover was placed on top. Wouldn’t that biodegrade in a decade? Also, what is considered fresh here because it seems to me that a decade is definitely no longer fresh for most things (Paul Rudd excepted).
  • Speaking of which, why would you leave that crate in the exact same spot in the basement for ten whole years? I mean, the dude is rich with ill gotten gains, surely he could cement the place over right?
  • Also, why would you go opening a single crate like that? In the movie it’s because Tory spills a drink on it (which is 100% Nathan’s fault and Nathan is no good for Tory, I tell you) but who thinks, yeah I will go to all the effort of opening some crate that has been in an old house for a decade because it might get a juice stain?!
  • Tory takes one look at the house, and says she doesn’t want to spend the summer in New Mexico, at which point she is corrected that this is North Dakota. They clearly drove there or flew in and rented a car, so uh, is she just so illiterate that she couldn’t read any of the signs around here when they traveled or what?
  • Nathan shows up with an open BUCKET that is apparently filled with paint thinner. How do I know it is filled with paint thinner? Because Tory bumps him, knocks the bucket over, and he exclaims, “You knocked over my CAN of paint thinner!” There’s a few issues to unpack here and I am going to take this bucket incident as seriously as an in depth analysis of a democratic debate. 1. How does this guy not know he was carrying a BUCKET not a CAN, especially if he is a professional painter?! 2. Who in the world fills a bucket with paint thinner then carries it one handed and waltzes it right past a front door without looking to see if anyone is coming out?! I mean, this dude doesn’t even lay out plastic or a tarp underneath the house where he is painting and then gets mad that someone knocks over his bucket/can. I say that is 100% on him. Tory is innocent in this whole interaction, yet Nathan acts as if she is the scum of the earth because she is from Los Angeles and can’t identify what state she is in. Get over yourself Nathan!
  • Alex shows up and tells Tory that she can’t help them paint because liability insurance says only they can handle the tools. Then two minutes later, Tory is helping Nathan paint. Listen to the smart kid whenever you are in a horror film. Trust me on this. They are so getting sued for that paint incident.
  • If you watch this movie one of the things I want you to seriously consider is what the heck kind of a paint job were they even trying to do here? They have blue and red paint in no pattern that makes any sense, and no house painter worth their can of paint thinner would paint like that. So, why does Tory listen to everything Nathan tells her to do in this film? Seriously, Tory, you can do better than this.
  • Pretty early on the dad is bitten by the Leprechaun. Basically Tory is there grabbing stuff from Nathan’s truck and she thinks Nathan is under the truck feeling her leg. The Leprechaun scratches her and she screams. Nathan and Tory’s father come to check it out and Tory says that she thought Nathan was the one feeling her leg and insists that a man was essentially groping her. Nathan’s response to this? “And you let me?” with a wide grin on his face as he says it. Again, Tory, you can do BETTER! This guy is a creep. So, dad tries to catch the Leprechaun but then gets bitten. At this point they are not 100% sure what is attacking them although Alex and Ozzie probably have a pretty good idea. Anyway this leads me to the next point.
  • Tory’s dad is in the hospital and they go with him. Nathan and Tory have dinner while Ozzie and Alex try to find out how much their gold is worth. Point is, there is a bit of a town that they could stay in overnight but they go back to the O’Grady house. While they were gone someone (bet you can guess who) destroys the kitchen but shines every shoe in the house and leaves them on the kitchen table. So obviously something weird is going on but they don’t call the police or do the most sensible thing in the world at this point which is, INVITE TORY TO STAY WHEREVER NATHAN LIVES! Do that and the movie and night of horror is completely over.
  • If you want to have a chest shaped like a barrel and arms like tree trunks, do push ups ever time the Leprechaun mentions gold or coins. It’s incessant. So uh, maybe they should just give the dude his stuff back yeah? Just what I would do in this extremely likely scenario.
  • I don’t want to give all this movie away but the deaths are hilariously gruesome at times and honestly kind of creative. But one thing I never understood is why the Leprechaun doesn’t make better use of his voice mimicking power. I mean just fake like the voice of Nathan and Tory will do whatever that dude says, cause apparently he is an expert at not only painting, but knowing the difference between buckets and cans, and hoping that women think it is okay for him to grope their legs from under a truck.
  • Also, exactly how do the Leprechaun’s powers work? They seem to be fueled by gold but he essentially can’t be killed except by a four leaf clover, and that only seems to slow him down. I think his powers are more based, “that’s what we need the Leprechaun to do right now, so he’ll do it!”. Plot powered magic maybe? If there was a plot here that is…

I am sure the next movie is going to leave me with more questions so I am gonna stop there for now. Next I will be reviewing Leprechaun 2. The Leprechaun from the first one is definitely dead right? So that means we get 2 Leprechauns don’t we?

Magically yours,

Slick Dungeon

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Want to see all the murdery-magical gore for yourself? Check it out here.

Fantasy Island – #MovieReview

Hello out there internet. This is Slick Dungeon and I know it has been a while since I did a full film review. I was in my dungeon quietly minding my own business, fending off a horde of zombies with my +1 magic sword (like ya do), when I heard that there was a film out in theaters that was a complete dumpster fire and I just had to go find out if it was true. Through daring-do and amazing feats of strength and dexterity I made my way out into the world, away from my dungeon to see what all the hubub was about.

I gotta be honest here. I shoulda stayed in the dungeon.

Raise your hand if you ever saw that old show Fantasy Island and thought, you know what would make this better? 100% more murder!

Okay me too but it turns out that isn’t all that fun. I vaguely remember this show from when I was a kid. All I know is that it took place on an island where people fulfilled fantasies and that when the character Tattoo came out and said, “The plane! The plane!” that was my cue to go to bed.

As an adult I may have seen a handful of episodes and from what I recall usually they turned out to be more or less harmless fantasies where people on the show went through some sort of character growth and learned a little from their experience. That and Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize look freaking fantastic in white suits.

I warn you now, if you are going to pay your hard earned cash to view this in theaters and marvel at this project gone so, so wrong — SPOILERS ARE BELOW.

Usually I don’t care about saying that early on in my reviews but this one is actually still in theaters and if you want to, uhh… enjoy this film, don’t say I did not warn you.

The basic plot is this. There is a group of people who think they won a contest to come and have their fantasies fulfilled on some tropical island. And again, last warning spoilers. It turns out that a murderous woman lured these people here to get revenge on them because in an accidental apartment fire, they couldn’t save this guy that she had gone on one date with. Yeah, that’s the whole ball game. Throw in Ant-man’s friend, Michael Pena and non-blue Yondu, Michael Rooker plus that one guy who looks kinda familiar and you realize is that dude from Sons of Anarchy as soon as he holds a gun, and you have yourself a horror film desperately hoping to be a franchise. Please, please don’t let that happen. Because if it does, I am gonna have to review it…

So here are some things to warn anyone about if they ever “win the Valentine’s day contest” on the internet to go to an island that promises it can make anything happen.

First, dude, don’t enter a contest like that, do you know how much spam you’ll get? Both before and after you are murdered by the mystical waters of the sentient island. Also, what are the odds that all of the people this girl wants revenge on enter the contest in the first place? Did they all send money to a Nigerian prince too? Cause I am betting they did.

Second, when you are walking around the hotel and you see blood and or, some kinda, I dunno black goo dripping from the ceilings, just like don’t get in the elevator okay?

Third, even if this whole thing is some kinda fantasy, when the dude tells you that fantasies don’t turn out like you think they will and that they will not end until they reach their, “natural conclusion,” just get your money back. Oh wait, you entered a contest. Get your private data back.

Also, all these people on this island are waaaay too attractive to have randomly won a contest. The hotel staff all look like orderlies that would make perfect sense on a season of American Horror Story so, my fourth rule is, when everyone but the staff look like models, just run.

In the end the twist is supposed to be that the girl who is hesitant to torture someone in real life, is actually psycho enough to not only want to torture someone who was mean to her but murder at least six people who just didn’t die in a fire along with her date. The fifth rule is for Michael Pena (aka Mr. Roarke). Don’t grant fantasies to people who have the fantasy to murder a bunch of people. Let them earn that on their own.

For uh, reasons I guess, people who are killed on the island come back as zombies. How do you know they are zombies? Well their eyes are black and it looks like they have an extremely bad mascara run. And yeah, that’s, that’s about it. So here is a rule for you. When you see those things? Run, dude, run! Why are you standing there, crying and running your mascara? Now we all think you are a zombie too. So maybe run? Rule six, always, always run away from people with black eyes and runny mascara, especially if shooting them does zero good.

Those are my general rules. Now here is my advice for the people who actually had the fantasies and what they should have done in their fantasies.

You will notice that I have used no character names because other than Mr, Roarke and his wife Julia, I don’t remember a single one. Why not? Because I could not care less about these characters.

For the lady who first had the regret that she didn’t marry someone and had the nearly perfect life but then went back and re-did her fantasy to be so that she could save someone from a fire that she accidentally caused; seriously what are you thinking here? She decides she could go back one more time and rescue the person who dies in the fire. But it turns out that the dude died because the woman had left her tea kettle on accidentally and caused the fire. Err… wait. You decided to go back and try to save someone but you didn’t think to go back and NOT LEAVE THE KETTLE ON?!?!?!? Think before you change the past woman, Think! The moment to regret was leaving the kettle on. Period.

For the two dudes who, “wanted it all” and that apparently means a big house with models (women for the straight character and men for the gay character) I have a bit of advice for you. First, if your fantasy is almost completely a Tom Cruise movie knock off, be less materialistic. It’s cool that you are high-fiving bros and that the older brother accepts the younger gay brother for who he is and all but maybe, stop watching nothing but Tom Cruise movies. Also, I guess it’s good that there is some non-hetero representation in this film but it is pretty darn minimal and kind of an aside when the hetero brother gets to hang around like fifty women and there are like four guys for the non-hetero character. If these two guys could have been more like, I fantasize about having a good life, instead of a party weekend, they’d be less likely to be on the murder list I think. And when you see a huge house on loan to you for basically nothing, just go ahead and assume it was owned by drug dealers, especially when you see all the guns in the house. Maybe keep those with you and be ready to like, shoot the guys who try to shoot you instead of having to go get them later?

For the guy who wants to be a soldier but truly in his heart wants to die a hero, you were already a cop, do you not get shot at enough? I mean, I understand that you have regret that you didn’t go back into the burning building to rescue someone, but guess what? That won’t change if you become a soldier. And like, why did your dad end up in your fantasy? It was a stretch to say the least, but I guess they needed to fill time? So, next time, instead of wanting to be a soldier instead because you regret not saving someone as a cop, uh… fantasize about saving someone as a cop. Then you won’t be a dead dude who jumps on a grenade just like dear old dad.

For the woman who planned the whole elaborate fantasy to bring all these people together and then first, act like your fantasy was to get revenge on your high school bully, but then really you reveal toward the end that the whole fantasy is your doing and you want to straight up murder everyone, there was a much easier solution to your whole damn problem. You could have fantasized that the guy you dated one time, had left his apartment fifteen minutes earlier to go on your date. Or, if you knew that the one woman left the kettle on and started the fire, you could have fantasized that she, uh, didn’t leave the kettle on. I mean seriously, one kettle caused me to sit through an hour and forty-nine minutes of this garbage. ONE KETTLE. Also, in your whole twist thing there is a plot hole so big a convoy of semi trucks could drive through it. We watch this woman act as if she is horrified that it turns out the island got your actual high school bully and then you rescue her just to fake her out and then fake out everyone else. But, uh, no one else knew she was on the island so why didn’t you just straight up kill her? Why go through all that running around with Michael Rooker? You totally had a knife and stuff. Be a smarter killer, please. Go watch some Saw movies or something because using a mystical island for all this is just lazy and pointless.

For the woman who was the high school bully who was literally kidnapped and then tortured and then ended up getting a fantasy because you hadn’t drunk the water yet, what were you thinking? You fantasize that the murdery woman could be with her one date boyfriend forever so that the zombie version of that guy kills her. But by this time everyone knew that the reason for the fire was that another lady left the kettle on. I can’t emphasize this enough here FANTASIZE THAT SHE NEVER LEFT THE KETTLE ON INSTEAD!

To Mr. Roarke, who has a name I remember because everyone is asking for him all the time, you had the fantasy to have your wife back just as you first met her, forever? I mean really, have you never read The Monkey’s Paw or I dunno seen Aladdin? Bringing people back from the dead never works out for anyone. You probably should have just not gone to the island because then I would not have had to watch this movie.

And for Michael Rooker, uh, what exactly was the point of your character at all? I mean he kinda helped some women run around the island for a bit and said that Mr. Roarke was bad, and then he got killed. I don’t really see the point of that. Could you just go do some more Marvel or Walking Dead stuff instead? Thanks.

And finally, for the whole movie here. So it turns out that everyone on that island involved in this fantasy was at this apartment fire in one way or another, except for the woman who wanted to murder everyone. And one woman who regrets that day the most goes back to that day (although not to turn the kettle off because that wouldn’t make any sense) sees a bunch of these people. So you are telling me this woman did not recognize her neighbors or the cop who refused to help the person who died in the fire? You don’t remember the people from your most traumatizing day at all? I mean I know humans have shaky memories but this is a movie not reality so I had a seriously hard time believing that no one on that plane recognized anyone else on that plane.

Also, the reveal at the end that the one guy who stayed on the island had a tattoo of the word tattoo to justify him inevitably being in the sequel as the character tattoo? Dumbest franchise set up ever.

This movie annoyed me so much that I fantasized about being anywhere else and, yep, here I am back in my good ol’ dungeon with a pile of bad books and movies left to get through.

Until next time, make sure you turn your kettle off before you leave the building okay?

Nest time, I am going to review the Michael Bay opus, 6 Underground. It stars Ryan Reynolds, what could possibly go wrong? He never makes bad movies.

Fantastically yours,

Slick Dungeon

Lizzie Borden Took an Ax – #MovieReview

Soundtrack Choices are Important

Hello out there internet people. Slick Dungeon here to tell you about why a made for television movie is not worth watching. Bet you never would have guessed that right?

Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done she gave her father forty-one.

We’ve all probably heard that rhyme a few times in our lives. Likely while someone was skipping rope. And if the film version starring Christina Ricci had its way, that would pretty much sum up the whole story. Except for the fact that there were eleven axe wounds inflicted on the father and around 17 on the mother. Pretty much the rest of the film just wants to scream guilty at Lizzie.

Ricci’s portrayal is almost downright maniacal and I don’t see how any jury would have found her not guilty acting the way she was in the film. In reality I am sure it was a lot more of a gray area.

The film goes into gory detail pretty quickly but doesn’t cast much doubt as to who murdered Lizzie’s parents. Lizzie has an older sister who in the movie lies to protect her, even though that made no sense at all. The acting is not good in this and the story is so black and white it feels like it is cut out of a newspaper from the time period. But all of that said, you know what freaking kills this movie to death? THE SOUNDTRACK!!

They stupidly decided to go with modern popish music with depressing and disorienting undertones that in no way work. As annoyed as I was by forcing my eyes to view this, it’s my ears that were truly offended.

There is no way to concentrate on the images and drama happening in this movie while listening to the soundtrack.

This is a story that has been told over and over in a variety of formats. I don’t know if Lizzie is guilty or not and I doubt anyone will ever know for sure but this movie doesn’t add anything to the story in any way.

So what were the film makers thinking? I think I have their thought process below.

  • Hey what’s that song my kid is singing, is that real?
  • It is, I should look it up on wikepedia.
  • Holy moly, it’s a real murder.
  • I bet I can make a movie about a famous murder.
  • I’m gonna write it right now, but you know pretty much as the papers had it.
  • Now I am going to cast it. I bet I can get a big star, Christina Ricci is available right?
  • Okay, watching the dailies.
  • Wait, will the audience understand that this murder-y acting character is a murderer? Not sure, let me add some more obvious information. And let’s make sure to show her holding an ax. A lot.
  • Hey I wonder if there are any other possible explanations for this murder? Possibly, according to the papers of the time. I am going to make sure to just gloss over those. Wouldn’t want to make it not obvious because the audience would be too dumb to grasp it.
  • You know, I don’t think Lizzie looks guilty enough, let’s have her look like a crazy evil person at the camera. Maybe they will get it now?
  • Okay, almost done, time to add a soundtrack that will give the proper mood, make some mystery and turn this into a great film. Wait, let’s just add pop music.
  • This is gonna be huge, We’re going to release this to theaters and take our bags of money based on the gory details of this famous murder!
  • Oh, made for TV movie instead? Sure, why not.

The moral of the story here is, if you want to make a movie about a rhyme that relates to a murder, you still need to make a good movie. The rhyme can’t do it all.

My next film reviews will be in Christmas mode, so get ready for some festive joy when I count down the 12 days of terrible Christmas movies.

Guiltily yours,

Slick Dungeon

Yoga Hosers – #MovieReview

I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today!

It’s November and around here at Slick Dungeon’s Dusty Tomes and Terrible Films that means turkey. And boy do I have a turkey of a movie for you.

Kevin Smith is a witty and gifted film director. He has made some brilliant films that touch upon and reflect current attitudes among working people, that say important things about relationships, and usually at their heart are about friends overcoming adversity, even if that adversity is as simple as struggling through a typical work day in a boring job. Yoga Hosers accomplishes none of that.

Yoga Hosers is a spin off of the Kevin Smith project Tusk. Full disclosure I have not watched Tusk so I can’t really evaluate how this fits with that. I can tell you that Yoga Hosers is a terrible, terrible film. It lacks any charm and although there is some humor there, most of it veers off into the insanely inept.

Now, I actually like a lot of Kevin Smith films, especially his work from the nineties, including Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy. While all of those had their issues, not one of them came even close to being as much of a waste of time as Yoga Hosers.

I am going to attempt to summarize Yoga Hosers but it’s difficult to make this make sense.

There are two fifteen year old girls, both named Colleen. They work at a convenience store called the Eh-to-Zed in Canada. They are both in high school. That’s about where the plot stops making sense. These girls spend a day rocking out at their store, after which a customer is mysteriously killed. The only thing we know is that whatever killed that customer is small and crawled up his, er, you know, where the sun don’t shine.

The Colleens are unaware of this and go on their day to school, doing some yoga at a strip mall yoga place called Yogi Bayer’s, and generally doing a bunch of instagram posting or whatever.

The Colleens are asked to a party by a couple of High School Seniors. This is thrilling but the Colleens get stuck having to work and are unable to attend. So one of the Colleens calls the boy she likes and suggests they bring the party to the convenience store. Problem solved.

Only there are more problems and here’s where it gets weird. First, the two boys who come over to the convenience store try to kill the Colleen’s because they are “Really into Satan.” The Colleens are able to defend themselves with Yoga poses they learned from Yogi Bayer. Then those two boys die because more, uh, small things (I promise I will reveal what they are and you are going to think it is stupid) crawl up their respective rear ends. The Colleens are safe but now are arrested for murder. But before that happens, the Colleens are attacked by what I can only describe as, bratwurst dressed as Canadian mounties yelling in German. Yeah, you read that right.

Earlier in the film, when the Colleens (aka the Yoga Hosers) were in school they learned about a Canadian Nazi who wanted to control Canda by sending people to the Hudson river.

Also earlier in the school day this dude who wrote some book that I think must relate to something that happened in Tusk came in and interviewed the Colleens. He’s seen something supernatural before so when these bratwurst attack he has no problem believing the Colleens and springing them out of jail. But they don’t have their phones.

They go back to the convenience store in order to get changed and they discover a secret passageway. The passageway leads to this huge room which is where the Canadian Nazis were doing experiments including cryogenic freezing and cloning. So, remember those small things that were killing people? Yeah it was the bratwurst. For the rest of the film they are called Bratzis. Turns out that one of the Canadian Nazis was frozen and then made bratwurst clones to do his bidding. He spent a lot of time on Netflix to acclimate himself to current culture and now, he doesn’t exactly want to be a Nazi but more of an artist. He’s created a sculpture out of, uh, human flesh and a hockey mask. This thing can be piloted by the Bratzis. The Nazi guy wants the Colleens to take a picture of him so he can be in Them magazine and be famous. They can’t because they don’t have their phones. So instead, the Nazi orders this weird sculpture to kill all the art critics in Canada. The Colleens are able to defend themselves and stop the thing once again using Yoga. The Bratzis are stopped, the Nazi dies, the book author gets to write a new book and the Colleens are still stuck in their boring old jobs and still in High School. But they do get to sing a rendition of O Canada to take us into the credits. Also at the very end of the credits we hear the sound clip of Kevin Smith on his podcast where he first heard the term yoga hosers.

That may or may not be the weirdest film summary I have ever written but it’s right up there with one of the weirdest films I have ever seen. There are a very few funny things in this film and I am going to point them out.

  • Justin Long plays an awesome militant yogi and I found myself wanting to see him in way more scenes.
  • Jason Mewes has a cameo because, well of course he does.
  • Harley Quinn Smith (Kevin’s daughter) yelling I’m not even supposed to be here today was a great modern nod to Clerks and I am totally here for that.

And that’s everything good in this, period. Honestly, there was a lot in this that I straight up couldn’t figure out and it was pretty jarring. It was random and weird but not in a good way. At least Kevin has a lot of other good films going for him and those I can get on board with.

Next week I will be watching #realityhigh I bet it #reallysucks.

Candianly (but not really) yours,

Slick Dungeon