Posted on by slickdungeon

Christmas Evil – #MovieReview

Hi everyone out there, it’s me Slick Dungeon. Today is the 75th of whatever, so I decided it would be the perfect time to watch a horror film about Christmas. Yep, you’ve seen Halloween, you’ve marveled at Friday the 13th but you know what? There are a whole lot more holidays out there so, why not Christmas? It’s as bad as it sounds so buckle up because I have an exclusive Slick Dungeon treat for you here.

First let me say, that there will be spoilers for Christmas Evil, or as it was originally titled, You Better Watch Out, or also as it was once titled, Terror in Toyland as well as for… Santa Claus. No not the movie, the person. Also, at the end of this I am going to tell you how you can watch this movie for free. That’s right, a no cost blood letting of a movie set during Christmas time. Just think of me as your local dungeon Santa Claus.

I saw the title of this movie and I knew I had to review it. I watched it and it’s not as easy to summarize as you would think. Believe it or not, it is somewhat difficult to give a fresh take on a movie where a guy watches his father, dressed up as Santa Claus, rub his mother’s stocking, gets a bizarre Oedipal complex because of it, becomes obsessed with Santa, creepily peeps into windows to watch children, steals from his place of employment to donate to a children’s hospital, commits some homicide, goes to an office party, sneaks into homes to give presents, commits some more homicide, drives around town in a van painted like a sleigh, runs into some neighborhood children and then gets in a switch blade knife fight with their parents, finally goes over to his brother’s house and is almost choked to death by him and then drives off of an overpass. Okay, actually, maybe a fresh take on this is not needed but… I have discovered something here in my dungeon and you are not going to believe it. I found Harry Stadling’s diary. Who’s Harry Stadling? Why, the homicidal Santa Claus of course!

Without further ado, here are his entries.

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Christmas Eve 1947

Dear Diary,

Oh boy am I excited! I just saw Santa Claus putting out presents. My brother Phil saw him too but he’s convinced that it wasn’t Santa. He thinks it was Dad. Phil is going to be so messed up when we grow up, I just know it.

Later the same night

Oh man, oh man, I just saw Santa gettin’ frisky with mom. It was weird and I am sure Dad is going to be so upset. I’m not going to let it bother me though, I’m sure thirty years from now I’m not going to become obsessed with Christmas, make my own Santa suit and commit triple homicide or anything.

Also, I must have been good this year because I got a lot of toys and I write surprisingly well for a four year old. Too bad I smashed a snow globe and cut my hand with the pieces just to see my own blood.

Anyway, I gotta get to bed now. I’ll write more here soon.

Love,

Harry

Thanksgiving Eve 1980

Dear Diary,

I know it’s been a while since I wrote, sorry about that. Next year I am making writing in my diary my New Years resolution. I’m sure I will live past Christmas, why wouldn’t I?

I’ve been watching some neighborhood children with binoculars that I got last Christmas. My brother Phil is a real jerk cause of that thing he said about Santa when he was six but these binoculars are nice. Most of the kids in the neighborhood are great but there’s this one who looks at dirty magazines. Not sure if I will strangle him but I am definitely going to get a closer look at the bushes by his house later.

I work in a more depressing than can be expressed toy factory now. I have insanely decorated my house with all kinds of Christmas stuff but hey it makes me happy. It was a rough day at work yesterday. See, I used to work “on the line” at the factory making toys. But they promoted me to be a manager so now I just mostly get aggravated at ad campaigns for false charity that the factory puts out and tell people how much the toys they are making suck. Strangely, I still plan to give out several of these toys to good boys and girls.

Anyway, work was a real downer again. See there was this one guy, Frank, who still works the line and I mentioned to him how I missed it. For unknown reasons he then straight up grabbed my sandwich out of my hands and ate it right in front of me. He’s a nice guy though. Well, I thought so anyway. See he wanted to get out of town early with his wife. He asked me to cover his shift so I did. Then I went to the bar to get a drink. Guess who was there? Diary you are never going to believe this! It was Frank and he called me a schmuck! I wish I could put him on the naughty list! He wasn’t leaving tonight, he was leaving in the morning. What a jerk!

I got so mad I decapitated one of my dolls. With my bare hands! While humming Christmas tunes!

After that I wanted to unwind so I peeped into my brother’s window and saw him making out with his wife. The way you know it was my brother’s house is that there is a random sign in the middle of the lawn that says Stadling for no apparent reason. I stood next to it for a while and gawked awkwardly. I was pretty tired so I left without saying hi or anything.

Love,

Harry

Thanksgiving 1980

Dear Diary,

My brother Phil, who has two sweet kids, wanted me to come over for dinner but I flaked on him. Why? Well, see I watched the Thanksgiving Day parade at Macy’s and I saw Santa in the parade. I decided to ditch dinner and make a home made Santa suit of my very own instead. Yeah, I know that there are still more than twenty days until Christmas and that I put the suit together in a single afternoon but it’s important to be really prepared. Phil will get over it I’m sure. Anyway my flaking on him can’t possibly be as bad as him at six years old saying Santa was not real. That’s just evil.

The fur in the suit was real soft so I hugged it and smelled it like a maniac. I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with me.

Later that night

Thought the old van could use a spruce up so I painted Santa’s sleigh on it. I made good use of my time though by also reciting my nutso Christmas list while I did it. I think it looks really nifty and no way it will stand out to say, people who see me murder someone later when I do it in front of a crowded church. The cops will never catch Santa Claus! Err… I mean, paint job looks great!

Love,

Harry

The next day

I came across some kids from the neighborhood today. They told me about what they had been wishing for. One of them wished for a lifetime subscription to Penthouse magazine. It’s that same little punk from before. I’m really going to telegraph in this diary that I might kill him but never do it in this movie. I have a better idea.

Later that night

Hid by the bushes at that kid’s house. I rubbed dirt on my face then kissed the side of his house because… well I don’t know why I did that. I don’t think the audience will know why I did that either. Then I nearly grabbed him but he got in the car with his mom who never saw me even though I am a grown man who hides in bushes and am really obvious in every shot where the kid shows up. And by almost grabbed him I mean my closed fist was about a foot away from him the whole time even though I could have grabbed him. Also the kid’s mom totally slapped him and it seems like that might be a regular thing but I guess that’s fine because any kid who points out a man hiding in the bushes deserves a good slap from his mother?

With that done, I went back and made some toys in a make shift toy shop that I have in my house because, well, it’s there.

Love,

Harry

Christmas Eve Eve 1980

Dear Diary,

Went to the office Christmas party. Guess what? Everyone here is a jerk! They made this ad campaign about donating toys to a kids hospital but they didn’t even know how many kids were in the hospital or how many toys were actually needed. Oh and in a bonus jerk move, they expect the workers to donate some of their own money to contribute to this so called charity drive they are having. It makes me want to murder someone!

Then again I might have freaked some people out by talking about how I know the tune now. Some of them don’t know the tune and some know it but use it for ill gotten success. They need to get with my tune!

Had to bail on the party, I’m not much of an office guy.

Later that night

Went back to the factory and stole a few bags of toys. I know I said they sucked and weren’t good enough for kids but I’m going to take them right over tomorrow to that kids hospital and giving these sucky toys right to them, dressed as Santa!

Love,

Harry

Christmas Eve 1980

Dear Diary,

I glued a beard on my face. I am now Santa Claus. First on the agenda, laugh like a maniac in the mirror. Next I invaded some houses and tossed some packages under the tree for them, even though they already had a bunch of presents. For unknown reasons I brought the big kitchen knife with me and cut into some packages while leaving others. No one will notice my painted van, I am sure.

Also I left a huge bag of dirt for that one kid, so there. I did leave it outside his house though, so it’s not under the tree and I’m not sure the kid will understand it was from Santa. Still, sweet justice!

Went over to that hospital and gave those toys. They totally accepted them even though there was no arrangement and the staff had no clue who I was. Well, I mean they knew I am Santa Claus obviously but they still were a little suspicious. Maybe they’ll remember me by my van next time. It’s the one with a sleigh painted on both sides.

After that I drove over to the church. I waited for everyone to start coming out while I waited at the bottom of the steps. These three people were real jerks to me. So I stabbed one of them in the eye with a toy soldier. Note to self, that’s maybe too sharp for the kids. Then I murdered two other people with an ax because they were also jerks. Good thing no one looked at my license plates or followed me at all. Also good that no one called an ambulance or even attempted to give first aid to those people I killed. I feel great though!

My next stop was leering in at a different Christmas party. They saw that I’m Santa and made me come in and dance. I gave some gifts away and then intimidated the children as much as I could. It was great!

I heard while I was at the party the cops couldn’t find me because I was dressed as Santa. Thank goodness they didn’t think to ask about the hugely obvious van I drive around or anything.

My next stop was Frank’s house. I first tried to suffocate him with my sack of presents but then I decided to just slit his throat with a Christmas decoration. Man those stars on top of trees are sharp! Also, his wife is a real sound sleeper cause she didn’t even wake up until Frank was bleeding out on top of her. I did leave some gifts for the kiddies though, cause they were good all year. I’m pretty tired but Santa’s work is never done.

Love,

Harry (I mean Santa Claus)

Christmas Day 1980

Dear Diary,

Been driving around for a while now. Decided to go back to the factory. I turned on all the assembly lines and just let all the toys fall and break. What’s that? Are they some of the same toys that I delivered to the kids hospital? Yes, why do you ask? I hate those toys but those kids deserved some really bad toys because… they were good?

Once that was done I started to drive over to my brother’s place but the thing is… Christmas lights. I saw them and got my van stuck in a snow drift. Then these kids showed up and they were like, yay, Santa! They came around and started to hug me and I gave them gifts. But then this one guy who was at the church saw me and he pulled out a switchblade. I was pretty worried there but his daughter easily disarmed him and gave me the knife. There was a bit of a scuffle but I got away okay in the end. In my van. That no one has identified to the police in any way whatsoever yet.

Finally got over to my brothers house to celebrate Christmas with him, and the fact that I had snuck into his house to give his kids inferior presents. Oh, and that I had murdered four people. But you know what? Phil, my brother, he tried to choke me to death! We got in this big argument about how I am homicidal and how he told me Santa wasn’t real when he was six. Some people just can’t take a little Christmas cheer I guess. His kids stuck up for me though and were sent upstairs. For a minute I was really out of it. I seemed like I was dead and everything so my brother did the logical thing and dragged my body to my van and put me in it. Jokes on him though because I woke up and slowly punched him right in the face.

Then this angry mob carrying make shift torches showed up. It was crazy! They were marching down the street, switch blade guy right in the front. I knew just what to do. I jumped in my sleigh and drove off the overpass. That’ll teach them.

My van may or may not have flown up into the air but you know I ended the movie with, “A merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

Maybe I’ll land on Tim Allen’s rooftop and I can get a new job.

Love,

Harry (Santa Claus)

———————————–

Wow, so there you have it folks, straight from Harry’s mouth! What a weird story. And it only took ninety or so minutes to watch. I know you are dying to see this so I did promise to tell you how to do it for free.

It’s easy. Sign up for Shudder for a free thirty day trial with the code SHUTIN. You can get the channel on Amazon prime video here. If you don’t have Amazon prime you can sign up for that for a free trial too and then look for the channel Shudder. Put in the code above and you are all set to watch some amazing Christmas mayhem. Enjoy! Tell ’em Harry sent you.

Merrily yours,

Slick Dungeon

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Posted on by slickdungeon · 3 Comments

Friday the 13th (2009) – #MovieReview

File This under Did We Have To?

Just when you thought my reviews of Friday the 13th movies were over, I’m back with another one. Slick Dungeon here, wondering why I just watched this. Maybe my review will answer my own question?

Okay so, I know I missed some of the originals but there are some films that can’t even be found in my own dungeon so I was left to watch this one. Just go with it and pretend those other films didn’t really happen. Kind of like this movie does.

I’m going to give you a summary of the… plot? And then I have a few thoughts about this thing. There are spoilers for this that will flow as free as the blood from a machete wound so you have been warned. If you haven’t seen the movie and you don’t want spoilers, watch it now and come back.

The movie starts with the decapitation of Mrs. Voorhees to dispel us of the notion that she could be the killer or that this is at all a straight remake of the first one. Then we get a group of teenage campers who are out in Crystal Lake, looking for weed, having sex and the whole bit. Of course they camp right near Jason, tell a story about Jason, then get killed by Jason. Finally, the credits roll like twenty minutes in to the movie. It’s a few months later and Clay (played by Jared Padalecki) is out looking for his sister who we know is one of the campers from earlier. We also know that she looks exactly like Jason’s mother. We don’t see her die on camera so there’s no guarantee she’s dead.

A different group of people are going up to Crystal Lake to spend the weekend and run into Clay. This one dude Trent is a total jerkwad and from the first second he is on screen we are all waiting to see Jason finish that dude off. Anyway, the story goes like you would expect, Jason stalks the people, kills them in horrific ways and in the end he is stopped at last. It’s a story we have seen on screen at least eleven times before and there isn’t really much new here, other than the fact that after eleven films, this doesn’t work so well when you try to start over.

Still, I had a few thoughts about this movie.

  1. I wondered why I didn’t like this but then I figured it out. I hate virtually everything Michael Bay does. This was only produced by him but I still see his fingerprints all over it. There is modern (for 2009) music in it and it just feels wrong. Everyone is sweaty in practically every shot. The camera doesn’t hold still long enough to actually build tension. The characters are one dimensional for the most part, with the notable exception of Clay, his sister and the character of Jenna (played by Danielle Panabaker). It feels like a big Hollywood set even in the parts that are clearly just people walking in the woods due to the way it’s shot. In the end this is like trying to do horror with a glossy color poster with attractive people from 2009 instead of an old black and white Victorian portrait that actually looks creepy. Putting a modern spin on the film making style does not help this.
  2. It seems like they wanted to feed into every stereotype from these movies to give the audience what they wanted. The thing is, that what the audience actually wants is to be surprised and scared by these movies. So if you see people doing drugs or having sex or whatever, and then they get killed, it’s not scary and it’s no longer a surprise. Also, I never related to these characters much (not that I do in the other ones either really) so when they die, it’s not real impactful.
  3. There was a disturbing lack of car trouble in this movie. How can this be a Friday the 13th movie if the only reason that a car doesn’t start is that there are no keys? Did someone open that Crystal Lake auto repair shop? Cause that was my idea!
  4. Also, the guy who tells the campfire story of Jason does a terrible job. It’s not suspenseful and there is no one to jump out at the end. Come on man, learn to tell a story, otherwise this is just lazy.
  5. This stars Jared Padalecki and there is no Jensen Ackles in the movie. Come on Sam Winchester, you can’t win this without your bro.
  6. I didn’t find the kills in this one particularly inventive. I know after all those movies that came before it’s hard to come up with something new but try a little harder guys. I saw a circular saw and you know how many people got killed with one? Absolutely none.
  7. Jason doesn’t kill Whitney (the missing sister) because she looks like his mother. But he basically keeps her prisoner in his house. Sorry but this makes no sense. Why would Jason take his own mother prisoner. Also, Whitney finds out right in the beginning that she looks like his mother but doesn’t really pull the whole impersonating his mother until the end of the film. What? Why not? I mean she could have done that in the first fifteen minutes and then the movie is over.
  8. Trent is a jerk. They make Trent such an obvious jerk in this movie that you can tell the film makers were like, here’s the guy you can cheer for when he gets killed. Look how jerky his jerkiness is. Let’s make him more of a jerk. Wait he’s not jerky enough so let’s have him cheat on his girlfriend so the audience understands how jerky he is! So yes, there are not one but two attractive women who just want to be all over Trent even though… he is a jerk. Okay…
  9. I did not see an old man warns those kids away from that place scene. This movie fails. The closest we get is an old woman telling Clay that “he just wants to be left alone” with no other explanation. I need an old guy warns people away scene. If you make a sequel to this movie, hire me for that scene, I am available. Also, I work cheap.
  10. While Derek Mears does a great job playing Jason, he’s on camera too much. These movies are always better when you are not sure when he’s going to pop up or from where. As soon as we see Jason, it gets a little less scary and in this one we see him almost right from the beginning. The early ones hid Jason a lot more and that worked to their advantage.
  11. The jump scare at the end of this was so predictable. Again, if we have seen it a bunch of times, even though you are doing a reboot, we are going to see it coming. How about just try something new? Oh wait, you can’t. That’s why you did a reboot. Okay fine.
  12. For a reboot though, this is actually not that bad. I have definitely seen worse reboots. It just never felt… necessary to me though.
  13. This film make the 12th movie about the Voorhees in the series. Can we please, please get one more? Let’s get everyone who survived these to team up and hunt down Jason. And let’s make sure that I am there warning those kids away from that place!

I hope you have enjoyed my reviews of this series. It was fun to take a look at these movies again. Until next time, I’ll be hanging out at a local hardware store near a lake and telling people not to go to that place.

Superstitiously yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS Want to see Sam Winchester without his brother and Killer Frost without the Flash face off against the Voorhees family? Check it out below.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

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Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th – #MovieReview

Happy Friday out there to all of you! Is it Friday? I mean, maybe? Anyway, I spent six hours and forty minutes watching a mega documentary about the Friday the 13th series and I am here to give you my take on it.

Let me start by saying that I am a horror fan and one of the series I have fond memories of is this series, so I am somewhat predisposed to enjoy this documentary. That being said, I think that anyone who has an interest in film making at all, would get a lot of value out of this film too.

Perhaps it’s a little twisted but I loved as a kid, to watch something that just scared me so bad that I couldn’t sleep and Jason was one of those movie monsters that often haunted my dreams. I think there is a deep human need in all of us to allow ourselves to be frightened. I think we need these movie monsters and we need to see our fears on screen and then see them defeated. And I think we still have a deep need to think that at any time, that fear we thought was gone, could come back. It’s cathartic to watch these movies if you ask me, and I don’t apologize for being a fan of horror. But still I recognize that not everyone would want to watch these or to watch a documentary about them. But if you are interested in horror, I am not sure I have seen a more extensive and well done documentary than this one.

The series goes into the extensive history of all the films, including the originals, Freddy VS Jason and the Friday the 13th (2009) reboot. But it also includes some talk about the comic books, novels, toys and even goes into the often forgotten Friday the 13th television series. And as if that wasn’t enough, it is hosted by none other than the original Tommy Jarvis himself, Corey Feldman. It’s got interviews with nearly everyone you would want to hear from that had something to do with the movies. It is quite the time commitment though, so you’ll probably want to break it up by chapters unless you happen to have nearly seven hours to sit there at once. Okay, yeah so one sitting might be fine in this day and age…

I really found this documentary fascinating and informative. Everything from how the shoestring budget original film came together, to how Freddy and Jason finally got pitted against one another. It pulled back the curtain on a lot of the effects, and a ton of the choices that went into making each movie. It also showed how the struggle with the MPAA was a running theme through everything they did. It’s got Kane Hodder giving his take on the films he was in and how he (in my opinion) totally got ripped off when it came time for Freddy VS Jason. It delves into the controversies surrounding some of the films and it surprised me just how aware the film makers were of the parts that fans did not react well to. Whether you love or hate these movies, it’s apparent everyone was trying to make the best films they could, and it’s a gripping look at how it was done.

I don’t want to spoil too much in this so I just want to give you my favorite moment from the whole thing. Ted White who played Jason in one of the films was doing a stunt where he was near the final fight of the movie. The actress was supposed to bring Jason’s iconic machete down onto a pick-axe he is holding. The head of the pick-axe was supposed to meet the blade of the machete. That’s the shot you see in the film. But, when they did the stunt the first time, the actress was a little too fast and Ted White hadn’t yet rotated the pick axe up. As a result the machete cut his finger and he needed to go to the hospital for stitches. Well, being that this was a movie and near the end of Jason’s final battle, Ted had a prop machete sticking out of his shoulder with all this fake blood on him. He goes to the emergency room and walks up the nurse there and everyone is freaking out over it. As soon as he gets to the nurse he calmly says, “Do you have anything for headaches?”. To me, that moment just summarizes the horror, the humor and the the perfect reaction to the best of Friday the 13th. And honestly, that’s just one in a ton of great stories in this documentary.

I know it’s a long time commitment but I can’t recommend this movie enough. If you haven’t yet gotten Shudder you can sign up for it on Amazon Prime for a free trial. To me Shudder is worth it for their Friday the 13th collection alone, but they have a bunch of other good stuff on there too. I believe that you can still get a free trial of it for 30 days if you use the code SHUTIN too, so you don’t have much to lose other than time. (Not trying to give the hard sell here, just saying that I really like Shudder)

I’ve watched the entire Friday the 13th collection on Shudder and while they don’t have every movie in the series, they definitely have the best one (the first four). But out of all the movies in that collection, I enjoyed this one the most. I hope you’ll take some time and check it out.

Documentingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

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Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini – #MovieReview

How’s everyone out there doing? Still shut in like the rest of us? Need a movie to watch? Well, there is a documentary I can recommend to anyone who is a bit of a horror fan. Usually I do a review in which I tell you the plot of a movie, then give my irreverent thoughts and questions about said movie. In this case, it’s a documentary and much harder to do that. What I can tell you is that you should watch Smoke and Mirrors: The Story of Tom Savini.

If you have watched a movie in the last 40 years or so where there was a violent death involving blood and you for even one second thought it looked realistic, you can thank Tom Savini. His story is fascinating from when he was a young kid obsessed with monster movies to his adult days fighting in Vietnam and on through his legendary film career. He’s an actor, stuntman, director and special effects artist all rolled into one. If you happen to watch Locke & Key on Netflix, you will see a cameo by him and I recommend you watch the documentary first in case you don’t know who he is. If you have watched Friday the 13th recently you probably have seen his name in those credits too.

His filmography is long and impressive and his approach to his special effects is refreshingly straight forward. Sometimes when I watch modern horror films and it’s nothing but CGI, I find the scares much less frightening and the film much less enjoyable. I used to wonder why that was but now that I have seen this documentary I know it’s because of Tom Savini. He went through the Vietnam war and saw some gruesome stuff so he knew what looks real and what did not. It also helps that unlike some CGI, his effects are three dimensional and can be touched. One really simple example is in Friday the 13th. In one scene, an ax is about to buried into someone’s head. Right before the ax connects with the face, it hits a light overhead and the camera lingers on the light swinging for just a moment. This makes the hit with ax feel much more real. Why? It feels like it has actual weight to the thing.

Tom was full of ideas like that (and still is really) but I found this film fascinating and you should go watch it.

Praisingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS Want to see Tom do his thing? Click below.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

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Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan – #MovieReview

Slick Dungeon back to review another film in the Friday the 13th series. Strap in, to your life boats, put on your life jacket and brace for stormy seas because there be spoilers ahead for all the Jason movies up to this point. You have been warned.

Well, we need a new idea for the ever popular Jason movies. We’ve seen Mrs. Voorhees kill camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake. We’ve seen Jason kill camp counselors at Camp Crystal Lake. We’ve seen Jason kill people at houses near Camp Crystal Lake. We’ve seen Jason kill other people at a different house near camp Crystal Lake. We’ve seen someone who is not Jason kill people at a halfway house near Camp Crystal Lake. We’ve seen Jason go back to he neighborhood of Crystal Lake after being resurrected from the dead. And we have seen Jason go toe to toe with a psychic at a house near Camp Crystal Lake. You know what we should do? Send Jason to Manhattan! He’s never been in a city before so let’s do that! Great. Only, you know location costs are high when filming in New York City right? You have to stop traffic and all that stuff. Okay, here’s the plan. We call it Jason Takes Manhattan but we have it mostly take place… on a boat! Err… on a boat? Yeah on a boat, it’s gonna be great. Didn’t Jason drown and wouldn’t be be afraid of being out on the water? Yeah, but boat. But how do we get him to New York City? Isn’t Camp Crystal Lake, you know, a lake? Meaning it doesn’t connect to the ocean? It’s Jason on a boat! No one will notice. I think they will. We’ll have Jason knock someone’s head off with a single punch though. Oh, okay if Jason is going to do that, we’re all in, no need to explain plot holes at all here.

Oddly, there are some things that are done really well in this movie despite the whole Jason on a boat thing. There are decently developed characters and there is even some character change by the end. This starts off a little weird with some shots of grungy city life in New York but with a radio station talking about kids from a high school in Crystal Lake coming to visit. Then we shift over to a boat on Camp Crystal Lake where a couple of teenagers are hanging out uh… doing what teenagers do. The boy tells the girl the legend of Jason. It’s not the whole old crazy man warns kids away scene that I love, but it is the let’s tell a spooky story and then have that story come to life scene. Moments later these teenagers are dead after Jason has been resurrected with the unlikely combination of an anchor hitting a power line under water just right, sparking electricity that flows directly to where Jason has been chained.

Next we see high school students loading onto a cruise ship that, again is going to the ocean, from wherever Camp Crystal Lake is, (I think somewhere in upstate New York that does not have a lake that connects to an ocean). The next third of the film is the same thing as all the other movies. Jason stalks and kills people, only this time, this time, it’s… yes… on a boat. The boat goes through some major damage caused not only by Jason but also by those trying to stop him. Finally, the boat sinks and a few people make it out on a row boat and do in fact make it to New York City. Guess who tagged along? You got it, Jason climbs out of the water soon after they dock. There’s a bit of a run around through the city, on the subway and in the sewers until Jason is finally killed by… toxic waste. Yep, all it takes to get Jason to go away for good is some good ol’ New York City toxic waste.

I had a few questions and comments here.

  1. We didn’t get the old man warns people away from Crystal Lake scene but you know what we did get? That’s right, we got the ship’s crewman telling everyone this voyage is doomed scene! I love it. Also, if anyone out there needs me to stand on a ship and warn people that their voyage is doomed, give me a call.
  2. In the beginning when we get the narration of why Jason kills people, they say he haunts the lake, killing teens to get revenge. You know what that does not explain at all? All the adults who are not teens that he kills. Sorry, I want my ghost stories to be consistent.
  3. Again, I don’t think that’s how electricity works but apparently if you want Jason to live, pump him full of electricity. But also, if you want to slow Jason down, you can, hit him with electricity. So uh.. yeah, there’s that.
  4. There was no car trouble whatsoever in this. You know why? It was on a boat! People finally figured out that their cars wouldn’t save them from Jason so they thought to give the boat a try.
  5. Speaking of boats, the harbor where people load on at Crystal Lake is way larger than one would expect considering this is always talked about as a small town.
  6. That boat that those teenagers from the beginning were on floats into the harbor and it’s covered in blood but no one seems to notice or care at all. Come on people, when a ghost ship rolls into town there is trouble on the way. Have none of you read Dracula?
  7. Most things won’t kill Jason but a few stop them. At one point in this movie, Rennie, one of the few who will survive, is given a fountain pen that supposedly belonged to Stephen King. Later in the movie, Rennie stabs Jason in the eye with it and he totally slows down. Stephen, can we get some more of those pens?!
  8. In this Jason also picks up a brand new hockey mask but in some shots his mask still has the ax mark from like the third film. Did no one think to make sure the mask damage was consistent here?
  9. Jason lumbers all around New York City, in Times Square, on the subway, in a diner, on the sewers and when people first see him, they have no reaction to him at all. Checks notes: yep, this checks out perfectly.
  10. Years before this the Muppets took Manhattan. In that movie, I learned that to take Manhattan, you had to make friends with rats at a diner, bring all your pals along, have a fight with them and send them away then be sad for a while, then have a memory of all of you as adorable babies before successfully putting on a Broadway show. Guess who didn’t do any of that? That’s right, Jason. So let me be clear here: Jason never took Manhattan at all!!
  11. Jason is killed by toxic waste in the New York Sewers. Uh, seriously? Why would that be a weakness of Jason’s?
  12. Also, why is there so much toxic waste around here?
  13. Well, it’s been a fun eight movies but Jason is finally at rest where he belongs. In the sewers of New York City, swimming around in toxic waste. We can all rest easy now, there won’t be any more Jason movies or deaths. What? What is that you just said? Jason Goes to Hell? Okay yeah that seems about right but isn’t that pretty much where we would expect to find him? Oh, Jason X? I mean what, Jason X marks the spot? This is getting silly. Freddy Vs. Jason? Yeah, okay I guess that could be fun. A reboot?! A reboot?! Can you actually do that? Friday the 13th? And we are just going to pretend the rest never happened? Oh man, there are a lot of these. Can anything kill Jason? I mean besides toxic sludge in New York City, or the pen of America’s favorite horror author of course.

Will I be reviewing all of those other Jason movies? Eh.. maybe? Depends on if I can get them on a subscription service I already have or not. I am sure eventually I will get to all of them but for now I am only doing the ones on Shudder.

I am going to watch and review the two documentaries about the series on there and I will report back on those for sure. I hope you have gotten a kick out of some of these reviews and let me know in the comments or @DungeonSlick on twitter if there is another movie series you would like me to obsessively watch and then rip apart in reviews full of nonsense and questions.

Stay safe out there and remember. Take a buddy with you when you go camping!

Slashingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS: Want to watch Jason get turned back into an eight year old boy by New York City’s finest toxic waste? Check it out below by clicking on the image.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

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Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood – #MovieReview

The Psychic Vs. The Revenant

It’s Friday the 13th Round Seven. In this corner we have an undead killing machine, who has survived drowning, burning, chopping, lightning, a crazy mother, and the dancing stylings of Crispin Glover. In the opposite corner we have a woman with a tragic past, a clingy mother, a jerky doctor and telekinesis. Wait what?

Hi everyone, Slick Dungeon here and I have made it through seven of the deadliest slasher films around. Camp Crystal Lake just gets no rest. Jason Voorhees is still out there, this time stronger than ever. But for once, he has a nemesis who has a chance. Heads up, in case you couldn’t have guessed it already but I am going to give out spoilers like they are Halloween candy about Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood. You have been fairly warned. Those of you brave enough to have survived the hockey mask wearing, sharp implement bearing, Jason, feel free to trudge on ahead through this review as if you were running through a forest in the dark of night.

This film starts off with yet another clip show of Jason’s greatest kills, and tries to do a decent job of summarizing what you need to know before watching this. I feel like after six previous films, it’s probably okay to just launch into the action but whatever.

Next we see Tina, a little girl who has run out of her house because her mother and father are in an argument. The argument, I should add, sounds physical, at least on the part of the father. Tina goes out on a little boat into Crystal Lake where we last saw Jason chained to a rock. The father comes out to try to get Tina to go back inside but Tina is yelling about the fact that her father hit her mother, and it seems like this wasn’t the first time either. Seconds later, the pier or dock or whatever the guy was standing on collapses and it looks like there is a good chance that happened just because in that moment, Tina wanted it to.

Fast forward a few years and Tina is getting treatment from a doctor for her mental issues. Her mother is encouraging this so that Tina can get over the guilt she feels about her dad. It’s quickly confirmed that Tina totally has psychic powers including telekinesis. A lot of people don’t like this movie because they feel like it’s silly that Tina has these powers. Oh, really? You think it’s silly that she can move stuff with her mind but you can buy into the whole Jason story? I mean, in the first one it’s his mother, okay fine. In the second one, it’s him and for the most of the rest it is him. But this guy dies over and over and he comes back relentlessly, including in one instance being resurrected by a graveyard fence stuck in his chest being struck by lightning. But you are going to say psychic powers are silly? Okay, they are kind of silly, but I didn’t really have a problem with them in this. It equalizes the playing field for Tina and that works for me. Also, they somehow seem to free Jason from the lake in the first place so without Tina, you don’t get the scares of Jason running around in the first place.

Most of the rest of the movie goes on as you would predict. A group of friends is going up the the lake to throw a surprise party for one of them. The birthday boy is stuck on the road because of car trouble and moments later he and the woman with him are straight up murdered by Jason. From there on out, it’s a killing spree with a couple of little twists. In this one, the doctor is really just interested in getting Tina to show off her powers so that’s why he brought her here in the first place. That makes all the deaths in this, except for Tina’s dad, kinda his fault. Don’t worry though, Jason takes care of him too. Tina does meet a guy she thinks is cute and they flirt and of course they end up being the ones to survive. It’s pretty standard Jason fare and overall, this is definitely not the worst of the sequels in my opinion.

I did have a few thoughts though.

  1. Tina kills her abusive father and then spends her whole life regretting it. Never does anyone mention that this dude shouldn’t have hit her mother or that her reaction might be understandable. I’m not saying Tina should have killed anyone, and it certainly was an accident, but maybe she should be allowed to lower the guilt factor a bit here.
  2. At the end of the movie, the thing that finally brings Jason down? Tina’s dad coming up from the bottom of the lake to put chains around his neck. I think this was an almost nod to the first film but it just made me go, wait, what?
  3. Then, after everything is over, Tina tell Nick that it was him who killed Jason. Come on Tina, take a little credit for resurrecting your dad. That was all you.
  4. Car trouble again in Crystal Lake. Slick Dungeon’s repair shop idea is back on baby!
  5. I really wanted someone in the film to warn someone about the legend of Jason in this but that scene never happened. I need my dude warns people away from Crystal Lake scene. Come on, what have sequels come to here?! Also, once again, if any horror directors need a guy who lives in a dungeon to warn people away from that haunted old place in the woods, I am your guy.
  6. This has bothered me for a few of these movies but, how long exactly is Friday the 13th? I mean, this starts in daylight, there is a night that passes, more daylight happens, then Jason goes on his killing spree until the dawn. So, does everyone always drive up on Thursday the 12th? Or is it the moment that Jason wakes up when the 13th begins? All I know for sure is that on Saturday the 14th everyone is going to be talking about how they are never going camping again, thank you very much.
  7. Forget Jason surviving, how has that hockey mask stayed in such good condition for so long?
  8. Every time Jason’s mask has come off, what is underneath it is more grotesque than before but at this point, it’s just getting weird. They leave his mask off for a good portion of the last few minutes and I was just thinking, how long did that makeup take?
  9. I know Jason is a silent killer most of the time but seriously, how does no one ever see him first? I don’t mean just right before he kills you but like, walking around with the bodies he is about to hide in strategic places for the maximum scare. He had to have made some noise when he put that head on a bed. Are people just not paying attention or are all the campers hearing impaired in some way?
  10. How is this place still open in any way? I mean I know that in this one, it’s people’s houses by the lake, not the camp itself but this lake has such a huge body count that I think it would be unethical to allow anyone near it ever.
  11. Also, I am not sure exactly what the motivation is for Jason to kill people any more. I got it in the first four or five films but in this one, it seems to be… because reasons. Is it asking too much to at least have one of these people be a camp counselor or something?
  12. Why does Tina seem to know about Jason when no one, other than the narrator at the beginning (who was not an old man warning people away from that haunted place), ever even mentions him? I mean, the media was probably all over the story so it would be local knowledge but Tina just looks in the lake at one point, see Jason come out and seems to know who he is. She confirms it later when she looks at news articles but how did she know already? Is that part of her psychic stuff? I couldn’t tell.
  13. For my money, although he is harder to kill now, I actually liked these movies better when Jason was closer to human. Can we go back to the legend of “Camp Blood” now please? No but really can we?

What do you like more, the killable, camp blood Jason or the revenant unkillable Jason? Let me know in the comments.

Next time, Jason is going to “Take Manhattan”. Dude, that’s a Muppet thing! And for my money, I don’t think Miss Piggy is going to let Jason come between her and her Kermy so you might as well give up now, Jason.

Psychically yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS Want to see the unstoppable Jason in all his glory fighting the uh, pretty tough Tina? Check it out by clicking the image below.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Posted on by slickdungeon · 1 Comment

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives – #MovieReview

Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives

It only took six films but the kids have finally arrived at camp! Slick Dungeon here to give my hot take on a way old film yet again. This time I am reviewing the sixth film in the Friday the 13th franchise.

This is the third film that centers on the character of Tommy Jarvis in his quest to end Jason. Also, this is the third actor to portray Tommy Jarvis. And this whole film probably could have been titled: Friday the 13th Part VI: Tommy makes an oopsie.

There will be spoilers in this review so go on, watch that old slasher goodness then come back here to enjoy my irreverent and irrefutable take on the movie.

Did you watch? Do you think I care? Hope you like the review though. I am gonna do a quick plot summary then I have a few questions about this movie.

Tommy, who is out of the mental institution, although it’s not real clear if he is supposed to be, is still haunted by images of Jason. What happened to Tommy being the villain in this one? I thought in the last one it was implied that Tommy would be the new Jason? We’re going to just pretend the fifth film did not happen. Well, except for mentioning that Tommy was in a mental institution and all that. Why are we forgetting it? The fans hated, hated, hated the idea of the killer not being Jason anymore. Count me in that number.

So what does Tommy get to do in this instead? Like a complete idiot he goes to dig Jason up to make sure he is dead and then pour gasoline on him and light it up to, you know, make sure that the guy who has been dead for more than five years stays dead. Through a completely farcical set of circumstances, Tommy impales Jason with part of the fence of the graveyard, which then acts as a lightning rod that raises Jason from the dead. Good job Tommy. Now do you see why no one likes you after part IV?

The film plays out the rest of the night with Jason going back to Crystal Lake, (now rebranded Forest Green as if that would help at all) kills tons of people, and is of course stopped in the end, to no doubt return again in a sequel. It’s fairly predictable although now Jason is really an undead creature capable of super human strength and endurance. If he was hard to survive before, it’s next to impossible now.

This film is a needed improvement from the one before, ridiculousness and all, but is by no means the best of the series. It’s worth a watch but it starts to feel silly in this one.

Here are some thoughts and questions I had.

  1. I don’t think lightning works like that. I mean, he wasn’t even hooked up to huge machines before the lightning struck. Jason is no Frankenstein’s monster. I’m not sure I can suspend my disbelief in this film anymore. Oh wait, there he goes ripping a guys heart out of his chest. I guess I’m all in again?
  2. Tommy goes and warns the sheriff that Jason is back. The sheriff doesn’t believe him at all. Also, out of six films, this is the sixth top officer in town, so if you are looking for job stability in Crystal Lake, don’t go into law enforcement. While this is not the old guy warns those teenage kids away scene, it was close and I will take what I can get. For my money, that scene is an absolute necessity in most good horror films. If you are thinking of making a horror film and need a guy to stand outside a store and look at people like they are crazy when they say they are going to “camp blood”, I’m your guy.
  3. Jason now seems super unkillable but Tommy opens like the first three pages of a book on the occult and seems to know that he has to put Jason back to rest where he drowned to stop him. That occult book was super specific. Is Jason coming back from the dead like the number one problem occult books deal with or what?
  4. It’s taken quite a few films but guess what? Kids arrived at camp. I don’t know how it has been that in most of these movies there are no kids at an actual summer camp but they finally made it. Was that the longest bus ride ever or what?
  5. Later in the movie, the kids are checked on multiple times when it seems things are going wrong. They tell the kids everything is okay. Then they tell the kids to hide under the bed. The sheriff goes out to look for Jason. You know what not one single adult here thinks to do? Yeah, that’s right. No one thinks to evacuate the kids immediately! Seriously, there is a deranged killer and bodies are piling up. Whether you believe Jason is a legend or not, isn’t the wise thing to do, to evacuate the kids?!?!? Although, Jason never does kill a kid so I guess, good on you Jason?
  6. This one never had car trouble. Well, one guy has trouble starting an RV because he doesn’t know how but no actual car trouble. Did someone steal my idea of opening an auto repair shop in Crystal Lake? I mean, Forest Green.
  7. The deputy was easily fooled into letting Tommy out of his cell after he had been locked up for suspicion of murder. I think I am starting to see why the cops show up so late to these mass killings. They are terrible at their jobs.
  8. This group of coworkers going on a company retreat of some kind are having a paint ball war when Jason comes and kills them all. Note to self: add one more reason never to go on a company retreat and have a paint ball war.
  9. The people who actually own and run the camp are killed early on by Jason. The woman is smart enough to think they have to leave right away when she sees a guy in a mask. So let me get this straight. The hockey mask freaks you out and you want to leave but the fact that he is holding this huge iron rod with a sharp point is not even worth a mention?!
  10. Even though the people who own the camp have been missing for several hours and the sheriff has a strong suspicion that Tommy could have killed them, the cops keep telling the camp counselors that everything is going to be fine. What?! I mean come on, at least send an officer up there to have a look.
  11. The second the cops do get up to the camp, they all split up to look for Jason. By this time, they know it’s a good possibility he is out there. Why are you splitting up?! Take a buddy with you people! Never split the party. It’s a bad idea.
  12. To lure Jason to his final resting place, Tommy gets in a boat, ties a huge chain around a rock, then calls Jason over to try to stop him from killing someone. As soon as Jason gets over there, Tommy lights the area around the boat on fire with gasoline. I mean it looks cool and all but could someone please explain to me, how in the blue blazes lighting the water on fire is supposed to help?!
  13. We all know Jason is going to come back and this movie has no real twists in it at the end. Am I asking too much from the Friday the 13th movies to want a better last gasp out of them? I mean the first movie has Jason come out of the water, which was a good albeit silly scare. Usually the end is something like that where you are supposed to remain scared. This one? Jason opens his eyes underwater. Whoop-de-doo. Oh no, Jason is going to come back again? Am I supposed to be scared of that? Come on, give us a better stinger here people!

The next one I will be reviewing is called Friday the 13th Part VI: The New Blood. Yeah, I mean who wants the old blood anyway? Just hurry and stock up before it’s all gone in the pandemic.

Frighteningly yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS: If you want to see Jason come back from the dead to terrorize a camp but kill zero children, check it out below.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Posted on by slickdungeon · 1 Comment

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning – #MovieReview

Friday the 13th Part V is the Halloween Part III of This Series

I hope everyone is staying safe out there. I know a lot of us are trying to keep ourselves entertained. In my little dungeon of films I have been going through the Friday the 13th series and I just watched the fifth one. This was actually the first one I remember watching as a kid and so far out of the series this one to me, is the worst of them. I will go into why I don’t like it but I want to give a warning for spoilers at the top here. I am going to spoil a huge, major, revelation in this review so if you have not seen this and want to, don’t read the whole post. Watch it first and then come back because I am going to spoil it. I will warn you one more time before I give the big spoiler away but just trust me, it’s a big one.

To understand this film you have to know a few things from Part IV. Jason Voorhees, a pretty much unstoppable killing machine went on a spree a few years ago killing tons of people up near Camp Crystal Lake. One of the few people to escape was Tommy Jarvis, played by Corey Feldman in the last one. Tommy actually killed Jason and when he did it, he did it with more enthusiasm than you might find natural in a kid. Although, considering what he had seen that night, it probably wasn’t that much of an overreaction.

We see Tommy, watching a couple people dig up Jason from his grave. That’s not such a smart idea since those two people are dead seconds later. But then Tommy wakes up and it’s years later and he was either having a dream or a flashback memory and it’s not clear if what Tommy saw was real or not. From here on out in the movie Tommy is much older and is played by John Shepherd.

Also, I should note that if you are going to dig up a grave, bring these guys with you, every single time. Every. Single. Time.

https://media.giphy.com/media/cg9VWyGzeNVzG/giphy.gif

Tommy, who is understandably suffering from a pretty heavy case of PTSD, is taken to a halfway house for people with mental illness. For some reason it’s up in a remote area that must be somewhat near Camp Crystal Lake. I assume that’s because Tommy would have been put into the system there and is in the same county from the last movie and that just happens to be where the halfway house is located. At any rate, the locals are aware of Jason and that whole history.

We soon get our first real death right after Tommy gets there and settles in. Is it Jason back for some killing? Nope. And for my money, in the whole series, this is the most messed up kill of all of the series. Not that anyone in these movies deserved to get killed, but in this one, a kid with mental issues that is not very popular is chopped to death with an ax by another resident of the halfway house. This dude is killed for no reason and for nothing that had to do with anything in the first four movies. It is a sudden and surprising death and just sucks for everyone there.

Most of the rest of the film goes how you would expect. A killer is hunting down and killing off people from this halfway house and others in the area one by one. Tommy keeps seeing visions of Jason but he never seems entirely sure if it is Jason or some kind of hallucination. They go throughout the night and most of them die. Finally there is a final confrontation and the killer is stopped. But then…

HUGE SPOILER AHEAD

SERIOUSLY I MEAN IT

IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WATCH FIRST

The killer turns out not to be Jason at all. Let me say that again. The killer isn’t even Jason! It’s not even his mother back from the dead. Nope. The killer is just some guy who happened to be the father of the kid who got killed in the beginning. Completely random. See this guy never told anyone this kid was his. But he worked as an ambulance worker and when he came to do his job, found out his kid was the one who got killed. He decided to go on a killing spree to get revenge on everyone at the halfway house.

What?! That’s how I felt when I saw this as a kid and how I feel now. This is like the Halloween III of the series. What do I mean by that? Well, for those who do not know, Halloween III has nothing to do with Michael Myers or the rest of the films. Now, you could argue that Tommy has a connection to it, but let me just restate this. Jason is not the killer in this at all. It feels almost completely pointless.

The only thing that may make this worth it is the fact that at the end, Tommy picks up the hockey mask and grabs a knife, so there’s a good chance we have Tommy the killer now instead of Jason. But that remains to be seen.

While the other films may not have been super creative and they kind of repeat themselves, this one does that, while also not being true to the original at all.

I have thirteen things to point out about this movie.

  1. The plot of this doesn’t work at all. If the guy wants to get revenge on the camp, why not just kill the guy who killed his kid in the first place? I get that he is using Jason’s m/o to cover up his crimes. But if you know anything about Jason you would know that there are instances where he kills a couple people and just leaves. He doesn’t have to go killing everyone. This guy is some kind of idiot to keep going.
  2. Alright, five out of five movies have now had car trouble. As far as I am concerned a Friday the 13th film cannot happen without car trouble. Anyone want to invest in an auto repair shop with me near Camp Crystal Lake?!
  3. Since the killer wasn’t actually Jason we didn’t even get an old guy warns kids away from that place scene. More like a mayor talking about it like it was a legend scene. Come on man, give me the old man warns everyone away scene. I need that scene in order to find this scary at all.
  4. Shouldn’t Tommy have realized it wasn’t Jason when he noticed there wasn’t a huge dent in the hockey mask where an ax had gone through before?
  5. Motorcycle decapitation but we don’t even see it on screen? Just the head rolling? Can I get my VHS rental fee back?
  6. At least Tommy seems like a good fighter and could be prepared for Jason but then when he shoes up (even though it isn’t Jason) why does he stand and stare for so long? I mean go into action man. Or at least run and tell other people to run.
  7. This new guy who isn’t Jason is able to survive some pretty heavy hits. When it’s revealed that it isn’t Jason I find it even less believable that this dude survives getting hit in the stomach with a moving forklift and then gets up and walks around as if he is fine.
  8. I know he died in the last movie but could we get more Crispin Glover dancing in this? That’s all I want in these movies now.
  9. Tommy really doesn’t talk much but I wish he would have given some kind of recap of what happened to him and how he felt about it. That would have improved this film a lot.
  10. Does this even count as a Friday the 13th movie if Jason is not the killer? I mean really? I feel like it shouldn’t.
  11. Oh man there goes Tommy holding a knife. He’s gonna be the killer in the next one isn’t he? Also, if you are trying to help someone get over PTSD maybe it’s not a great idea to have that person get treated right in the area where the traumatic event happened? I mean that’s just my take but I am no mental health professional so who knows.
  12. Can we get Jason back please? For all his faults he is a much better villain than Tommy.
  13. Even if we don’t get Jason back in the next one, can we please get that scene where we warn people away from Camp Crystal Lake? Also, if anyone needs someone to be in a movie and warn people away from a place, I am doing nothing else right now, I volunteer.

Just like Jason will never quite remain dead, I will be back with another review but I feel like we are getting into the dregs of this series. Still, I kind of feel like the other ones won’t annoy me quite as badly as this one does.

Spoilingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS: Want to see not Jason do some murdering? Click below.

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!

Posted on by slickdungeon · 1 Comment

Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter – #MovieReview

Slick Dungeon here to review the very last of the Friday the 13th franchise. Yes, it’s the last one. Definitely no more after this one because it says it right there in the title. This is the final chapter. The only possible way they could make more of these is if they had A New Beginning. Wait, what? There is? It seems for some reason people who made these movies liked money and decided to keep making these even after they promised this one would be the last one. I guess you have more of my reviews to look forward to then don’t you?

Fair warning to readers I am going to spoil this all over the place in the same way that Jason splatters blood everywhere (metaphorically though, I don’t condone actual violence) so if you don’t want to know about a plucky Corey Feldman, the exotic and amazing dance moves of Crispen Glover or where the wine corkscrew actually is, watch the movie first.

Did you watch it? Actually, never mind I don’t care if you watched it, I only care if you enjoy my review. I did warn you though.

This one starts off with what you might consider a three minute best of Jason killing people recap, just so that everyone can quickly get up to speed on how many dead people they didn’t see if they haven’t watched the first three films. This time they do use the campfire story to frame it, but they just use the one from part 2 instead of, you know making it new and original at all.

We finally, finally, see some cops come in to actually clean up the bodies of the dead from the last movie. You know what we don’t see? Anyone even bothering to check for a pulse on anyone. Guess who isn’t gonna be dead? Can you guess? Can you? No, but really can you?

Jason is loaded into an ambulance taken to a hospital and sent to the morgue there where they do stuff like, talk about how hot the dead women are and, put a sandwich on Jason’s feet and then make out with each other. I think I am starting to see why Jason may not like people so much.

As you would expect, Jason gets up after having suffered more wounds than I can count, including an ax to the face. I think it’s safe to say he is essentially immortal at this point in the series.

I’m a little torn between part 2 and this one as being the best of the sequels. On the one hand I think part 2 was more true to the origins and intentions of the first film. On the other hand, this is a much more craftily developed film. It takes enough time for us to get to know a few characters and even gives one of them a good reason to be up in the woods looking for Jason. As if that weren’t enough, we get to see an ever plucky Corey Feldman, not only obsessed with making cool masks but also getting to be the one to end Jason at the finish of the film. If there is one thing that might make this one my favorite of all of the films in the series it is this. Crispn Glover dancing like a maniac. And this was before he was buffing out blind spots for Biff Tanner.

https://media.giphy.com/media/2ZPDQxVK3SXLO/giphy.gif

Even if you don’t like this series, part IV belongs in cinematic history for that clip right there.

This film also does a few things more intelligently than the other films. For one, when Jason decides to go on his killing spree, he really does pick them off one by one until the last person in the house starts finding the bodies. And at that point he has strung up the dead bodies so that exiting is much more difficult. I’m starting to think I see where Neegan from The Walking Dead got his ideas. They have a guy who has a sister who was killed by Jason and he is out for revenge. The dude is smart enough to realize that Jason isn’t dead when his body is reported missing and two people from the morgue have disappeared.

However, this film is far from perfect and I still had a few thoughts.

  1. I miss the scene where someone warns those kids away from the place. The just showed the people from the earlier films do that. I need my old man warning me away from stuff scene! Also, any casting agents needing a townie to warn people away in their film, hit me up, I am available.
  2. There is one part where a hitch hiker is killed after standing by Pamela Voorhess’ grave. First off, why is the gravestone that close to the road? It didn’t seem to be a cemetery or anything plus she died at the camp in the lake so if you want to bury her where she died, that wouldn’t be it. Second, why would you stand there to put your thumb out? I mean respect the dead a little. Although she was a psychotic killing machine so maybe she doesn’t deserve so much respect.
  3. Oh look, the kid is getting out of a car to fix it because there is car trouble. That makes four out of four films where cars have some kind of mechanical issue. Learn to maintain your vehicles because you never know when you will need to flee from a psychotic, nearly immortal, knife wielding killer! Also, you should have a full tank in case of any emergency. Note to self: after getting role as townie warning people away, get on that whole opening an auto repair shop near Crystal Lake.
  4. Hey Crispin Glover is looking for the wine corkscrew. I bet that’s gonna end up in his skull. Oh look, he’s still hollering about it. Any second now… Hey, Crispin Glover, bad news, you have a sharp object sticking out of your head. Hey, Crispin Glover, good news, you found the wine corkscrew.
  5. Why does the guy who is plotting revenge on Jason camp so far away from Camp Crystal Lake? I mean does he not know that a bunch of dead people showed up at the cabins, not just out in the woods despite the fact that he has a whole bunch of news articles to refer to?
  6. Woah, the car that didn’t start earlier never actually became an issue at a critical moment in this movie.
  7. I get that Corey Feldman is shaving his head to fool Jason but this doesn’t make much sense to me. Is he supposed to be Jason when he is younger? Why would that stop Jason? It made more sense to me in part 2 where they figure out to impersonate his mother to throw him off but this part just doesn’t work for me.
  8. Okay so Corey Feldman’s older sister in this has realized they are in danger, gone to the house next door to see what is going on, knows Jason is there and has killed people. Then the guy who is out for revenge finds Jason and she sees it. As the guy is literally yelling that Jason is killing him and that she should run, she freaking stares and screams. Why would you not run?! This makes zero sense to me. Just run.
  9. Okay Jason looks pretty dead now and that hockey mask is destroyed. Can this be the end of the series?
  10. Oh, well if Corey Feldman who actually killed Jason is looking into the camera like that at the end, it’s definitely not over. Why call this the final chapter? You know you are gonna make more.
  11. I know his character is dead and all but could we get more of Crispin Glover dancing?
  12. Think anyone will actually make sure Jason is dead this time? Yeah me neither.
  13. Can’t they just shut down the whole Crystal Lake area at this point? Also, no one mentioned it but did this actually take place on Friday the 13th? I feel like we should see a calendar or something so we know for sure.

All in all, this was one of the most enjoyable of the series and is worth watching whether or not you have seen the rest.

Dancingly yours,

Slick Dungeon

Want to see Crispin Glover dancing for yourself? Click below!

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Posted on by slickdungeon · 1 Comment

Friday the 13th Part 3 – #MovieReview

Jason Found a Hockey Mask

Happy Friday the 13th everyone! Wait, what’s that you say? It’s not Friday the 13th? This month doesn’t even have a Friday the 13th? Well, who can tell anymore. I’ve been in my dungeon so long I have no idea what the day is anymore let alone the date, so I’m just going to go with it’s Friday the 13th okay?

The movie series Friday the 13th is an absolute juggernaut of horror. Jason has been picking off camp counselors since 1980 and it might surprise you to know that he doesn’t even get his iconic hockey mask until the third film. It didn’t surprise me because I have seen all these movies before but that fact surprises a lot of people who are not horror fans.

Fair warning before I go into the review. There will be spoilers so if you haven’t watched this yet, go do it and then come back for the review. Spoiler: Jason kills people. Did you really watch it? Ah, who cares, just read my review. I put a lot of effort into these because… I have nothing else to do…

Anyway, the third film finds another group of people dumb enough to go up near Camp Crystal Lake to spend some time running away from a deranged killer. The film opens a lot like part two did, with a bit of a recap from the previous film. I guess in case anyone forgot what happened the last time. And so that you know that Jason is the killer in this one. In case you weren’t sure. Next he goes on to kill a couple of people who must live sort of near Jason but it’s not really explained who they are or why Jason offs them.

In fact, most of the killing Jason does in this one seems to be more for sport than to follow any plot development from the last two films. This time, the people going up there seem to just be spending a weekend or something up near the camp. They don’t even say they are camp counselors. Still, Jason offs them anyway cause I guess he want to? He then seems to live there or near there until these new people show up to camp for the weekend.

There is actually a little bit of character development in this film. We get the character of Chris Higgins who is a woman who survived an encounter with Jason a couple of years ago. She wasn’t in the previous films or anything, just a random encounter with Jason. Turns out that the actress who survives at the end of the second film didn’t want to come back for the third film so we get what kind of feels like a tacked on extra attack scene. But still, Chris surviving the attack and then coming back and having a second round with Jason is kind of the point. Well, the horror, gore and jumping out of nowhere to try to scare us is the point but you know what I mean.

The plot runs mostly as you would expect. People camp, they walk off without a buddy (take a buddy with you!) then they get killed by Jason. Later other people find those bodies, turn around and get killed by Jason. Then later other people find those bodies, run away from Jason, almost get killed by Jason, don’t get killed by Jason, kill Jason, Jason doesn’t seem to stay dead, he kills some more people, then they kill Jason again and maybe he’s dead?

I had a few thoughts while watching this.

  1. Why is Jason killing these people? They’re not camp counselors. They don’t even say they are. I know this is silly but I want Jason to have a reason to kill these people, since at least in the first two there was one.
  2. Who in their right mind decides to go anywhere near this place anymore? There have been at least five nights of tragic death and terror at this lake. I would think that’s bad enough press that you wouldn’t go camping there any more.
  3. The character who starts off with the hockey mask is a huge jerk. They make this big deal over and over about “what happened to Chris up there” in the years past. Yet this dude fakes his own death to get a laugh and scares everyone as if he was a killer as a prank. Considering the history of this place that is beyond bad taste. Jason, why are you trying to be like this guy?!
  4. That dude is not the only jerky guy in this. As a laugh, Chris’ sort of boyfriend jumps out of nowhere, grabs her by the throat then starts kissing her. Then he has the nerve to ask her what is wrong. Really dude? Really? Wow, out of touch much?
  5. Oh good Jason got rid of the jerks.
  6. There are these motorcycle gang characters in this. All of them end up killed by Jason of course but man oh man, it’s hilarious to see what eighties movies thought tough guys looked like.
  7. The cops in this area are so, so bad. They don’t warn people away, they don’t seem to notice that there is a killer up by this lake, and in three films, we have had three different local cops up there but only after everything happens.
  8. This still has the dude warns everyone away scene but this time, the guy is holding an eyeball. Okay, if I am ever warned away from a place by a guy holding an eyeball, I am not going to dismiss that. In that situation you need to report this to the police and hope they can find out who used to own that eyeball. But nope, these character just keep driving cause, weekend plans. And also the cops suck anyway so why bother?
  9. Note to self: get a job as a guy who warns people away in horror films. Bring eyeball.
  10. I gotta say that Jason really improved his look in this one. The hockey mask is working for him. He should go with that for sure. It’s been a while since I saw the other ones so now I am wondering if he wears the same mask in all the others or does he like need to pick up fresh ones?
  11. Jason took an ax to the face but he’s still walking? Really? Okay, I guess it’s time to totally suspend disbelief now. I can do that. But if there isn’t an ax whole in that hockey mask in the next movie, Jason definitely got a new one.
  12. In three out of three films there is car trouble at a crucial moment. This time it’s because the motorcycle gang stole gas out of the van instead of just battery trouble. Still, these people are terrible at car maintenance. And like, checking if you have gas before driving away.
  13. Note to self: Open auto repair shop near Crystal Lake.

I think I am gonna stop there with 13. See what I did there? Can you blame me? It’s Friday after all. Isn’t it?

Anyway, the next one is called Friday the 14th Part IV: The Final Chapter. That means it’s the last one right? Right?!

Datedly yours,

Slick Dungeon

PS: Want to see Jason pick up his iconic mask? Click below and enjoy!

This page contains affiliate links. If you purchase a product through one of them, I will receive a commission (at no additional cost to you). I only ever endorse products I have personally used. Thank you for your support!