On the sixth day of Christmas my rancid ex gave to me The Knight before Christmas.
We’ve made it halfway through the worst Christmas movies I watched this year. I am hoping to keep my sanity through the next half.
Today we have The Knight Before Christmas. This is one that didn’t look promising because of the bad pun. It wasn’t good but I could get past the pun and the premise here. There have been time traveling knight stories before that worked. If Mark Twain can do it, so can someone else. Of course no one is going to do this type of story as well as he did.
So here’s the plot in a nutshell. A young man in medieval times is trying to complete a quest to become a true knight. For some reason we’re calling him Sir Cole even though he is not a true knight yet. He meets an old crone and is kind to her. She does some Christmas magic and sends Cole to 2019 where he has to do something involving his heart to complete the quest. We know pretty quickly that his quest must be to fall in love with Brook because we see her complain about an ex boyfriend. We have to spend the next ninety minutes watching Cole do valiant and kind things that make Brook realize not all men are bad. They fall in love with each other and then Cole gets pulled back in time for all of two minutes and then because of more Christmas magic he goes back to 2019 to live happily ever after with Brook. Yay!
Okay so the plot is not that bad and neither is the romance so what’s the problem with it? Missed comedy opportunities. I made a list.
- While we do get to see Cole interact with Alexa but I wanted to see what he would think of indoor plumbing.
- At no point did Cole try to slay a car with a sword.
- There’s a couple of jokes about Cole thinking that people are inside of a radio but he never thinks it’s magical or anything.
- No one fell off a single ladder or roof in this whole movie.
- Cole seems way cool with electricity for a guy who would never have encountered it. Hello, hilarious electrocution scene where are you?
- I really wanted to see him go through a drive through on a horse. No luck.
- Cole never seems freaked out by the whole thing and I think he would have thought it was all devilry and witchcraft.
- Also it’s clear from the end that Cole’s brother will be showing up in modern times next year. Do we have to do that?
I am sure there’s more I can think of but I have to get to the next terrible film. The clear antidote to this one is Elf. It’s about a man out of his element who falls in love too. The difference? Not a single missed comedy opportunity in the whole film.