Hello internet people, it’s me Slick Dungeon. I’m back again to review another movie for my movie challenge this year. This time it was to watch a movie with a rotten tomatoes score of 25% or less. The reason I recommend for people to watch movies with such a low rating is because sometimes these films can surprise you. You see things you might never see in any other film. So, to be clear, just because I gave this one star does not mean that you should not watch it. If you want to see something a little odd and interesting and wonder how this whole thing could have even happened this is still worth a view. Be warned that I am going to spoil this movie a bit but really, you have to see it to believe it.
Who would make a great spy for Interpol in a French town? The flashy and unmistakeable 6’7″ basketball player from the Chicago Bulls, Dennis Rodman of course! What, did you think it would be someone else? Ha! It’s not like spying is about quietly collecting information without being noticed or anything. And who would be the best partner for Dennis Rodman? Why foul mouthed comedian Dane Cook of course! You get to see him do an impression of a velociraptor in this movie because, reasons I guess. And where would be the best place for Dennis Rodman aka Simon Sez to base his secret spy operations? In a church with John Pinette and Ricky Harris who disguise themselves as monks but are also super hackers and tech guys who support Simon. Yes, they are the guys in the chairs for this movie. And finally, with such a big athlete you know there will be action scenes but this is the only movie where you can see Dennis Rodman play bocce ball! He misses because of Dane Cook so we see almost none of Rodman’s actual athletic skills.
The action scenes are slow and telegraphed and the trick car they use for one scene is such a hilariously dumb knock off of a James Bond vehicle that you just have to watch it to know what it does. Rodman is awkward in most of his acting and Dane Cook does no better. Only in 1999 could a movie like this have been made. It has a score of 0% on Rotten Tomatoes with the consensus being – “Simon Sez no matter how starved you are for something to watch, there has to be a better option than this dreadfully misguided action thriller.” It’s absolutely misguided but I mean come on, you could see yet another superhero film any time you want. Seeing Dennis Rodman and Dane Cook parachute in a car onto a French beach? That’s a once in a lifetime experience. Just don’t expect it to be a good film.